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APPLE, MAX

APPLETON", "HARRY S. ASHMORE, SHELLEY

Araquistain, Luis

Archer, Richard

ARCINIEGAS, GERMAN

Arcone, Julius J. Umansky, George Smerkin, Winston Dancis, Michael C.

Arcone, Michael C.

ARCUS, M. K.

AREEN, JUDITH

ARENSBERG, SUSAN

ARGUS, M. K.

ARIDA, TOUMA

ARMODR, RICHARD

ARMOR, JACK

ARMOUR

ARMOUR, RICHABD

ARMOUR, RICHARD

A Tall Wall-A Poem (October 1962)

A SHORT STORY ABOUT A TALL WALL They built a wall, a tall wall, a quick thick wall, But this was not enough. They built a wall behind the wall, With barbed wire coiled on top and barbed...

Euphemakems and Such: (March 1961)

Euphemakems and Such Playing with Words. By Joseph T. Shipley. Prentice-Hall. 1S6 pp. $3.50. Reviewed by Richard Armour Professor of English, Scripps College; author, "The Classics...

States of the Nation: (February 1961)

STATES OF THE NATION Novelist James A. Michener has suggested Australia and New Zealand as the fiftyfirst and fifty-second states.-News item. Westward the course of statehood, Beyond what we'd...

Going Down: (February 1961)

GOING DOWN Escaping disaster, an end to all mirth, Men dig to find shelter down under the earth, Build burrow and cavern and split-level hole, And live like the gopher, the worm and...

Flesh of Victory (October 1960)

FLESH OF VICTORY Despite television, the whistlestop campaign is still a necessity, since voters must see the candidates in the flesh.—News item. Stick out your chin, stick out your neck With...

Student Demonstrations: (May 1960)

STUDENT DEMONSTRATIONS In streets of Seoul and Tokyo The crowds of students come and go. In Ankara, Marseilles, Havana, They shout and wave a red bandanna. In Cairo, Leningrad, Caracas, They...

HAIR TODAY,PEACE TOMORROW (March 1960)

HAIR TODAY, PEACE TOMORROW Castro said he would shave off his beard when lasting peace comes to Cuba.—News item. Come, sing hosannas, beat the drums, And sound upon the tuba When you behold the...

Love Song (March 1960)

LOVE SONG Soviet sociologists frown on American marriages for love and say that romance is secondary to furthering the revolutionary state.—News item. We learn, with dismay, that love is...

That Labor Bill (September 1959)

THAT LABOR BILL They call it labor legislation, And why, we've learned at last. It's on account of all the labor It takes to get it passed. —Richard...

Memoirs (June 1959)

MEMOIRS According to his successor, Defense Minister Marshal Malinovsky, Marshal Georgi Zhukou is drawing his pension and writing his memoirs.—News item. His forehead furrowed in a frown, We...

Useful Gadget (March 1959)

USEFUL GADGET Massachusetts Institute of Technology claims for its I.B.M. computer a vocabulary larger than Sir Winston Churchill's. —News item. Consider, please, this latest gem Produced by...

Employment Situation (March 1959)

EMPLOYMENT SITUATION C S. Srnator employs 19-year-old son on staff at salary of s12.000.— News Item. College students as a rule Used to work their way through school Washing dishes, waiting...

The Balanced Budget (March 1959)

THE BALANCED BUDGET The Balanced Budget is, these days. What almost anyone will praise. What anyone who is not odd Will come out for, just as for God, For Mother, for Democracy, For Freedom,...

TWO TO GO (January 1959)

TWO TO GO Only Two Dictators Left in Latin America.—Newspaper headline. Well, two at least are company, However you may style 'em. Each has a place where he can flee If he should seek...

GREAT WORK, WALTER REUTHER (January 1959)

GREAT WORK, WALTER REUTHER Caterpillar and VAW Agree on Pact Covering Workers at 2 Plants.—Newspaper headline. The story's incomplete so far; We have no way of knowing Precisely which two plants...

Red Letter Day (January 1959)

RED LETTER DAY "Pravda" is planning to provide more space than hitherto for letters to the editor.—News item. More space now for the irate letter That blasts the Kremlin. Yes, By persons who,...

Lowest of the Low (November 1958)

South Africa's Verwoerd The Union's new Prime Minister, a supporter of Nazism during the war, represents the extreme segregationists By John Hughes CAPE TOWN HENDRIK FRENSCH VERWOERD...

Agony in the State Department (September 1958)

AGONY IN THE STATE DEPARTMENT Were you to ask me, and as I would love To tell you if you asked me, the next phase'll Be an agonizing reappraisal of Our latest agonizing reappraisal. —Richard...

Little Rock Race (October 1958)

LITTLE ROCK RACE Accusing integrationists of clever plots, Governor Faubus said he would not stand still while time runs out on him.—News item. Strong of muscle and strong of will, Governor...

A Jester's Companion (June 1958)

A Jester's Companion An Encyclopedia of Modern American Humor. Reviewed by Richard Armour Ed. by Bennett Cerf. Professor of English, Scripps College; Modern Library. 688 pp. $2.95. author, "It...

Note to Russian Schoolteachers (June 1958)

NOTE TO RUSSIAN SCHOOLTEACHERS In Russian schools they are teaching English with an American accent.—News item. What kind of American accent, please? Midwestern or Southern or Brooklynese? We...

Mother Russia and Mother Tongue (May 1958)

MOTHER RUSSIA AND MOTHER TONGUE Soviet Teaches English From Fifth Grade On.—Newspaper headline. The Russian lead in teaching science May make us ever surlier, But let us shout with proud...

Rally (February 1958)

RALLY Indians Break Up Klan Rally.—Newspaper headline. Cowboys and Indians used to be, When I was a lad, the game for me, But now having read, as a grown-up man, Of Indians warring against the...

Winner Take All (January 1958)

WINNER TAKE ALL Unlike events not quite so weighty, Such as the pole vault or eight-eighty, There's this about the missiles race: They give no prize for second place. — Richard...

Supply and Demand (November 1957)

SUPPLY AND DEMAND Increase of Westerns in Movies Causing Shortage of Horses. —Newspaper headline. Perhaps I'm not typical, Don't understand The passion for Westerns That's sweeping the land. But...

Sharp Reaction (November 1957)

SHARP REACTION A Communist paper in Budapest has branded guitars, mandolins and banjos "reactionary instruments" saying that "they do not faithfully express the Hungarian national songs and...

Crop Surplus (October 1957)

CROP SURPLUS Eggs Thrown at Secretary of Agriculture Benson.—Newspaper headline. America the bountiful, Where hens lay all too well, And eggs pile up until there are Far more than one can...

Sing a Song of Sibilants (October 1957)

SING A SONG OF SIBILANTS Military Chiefs Seek Anti-Missile.—Newspaper headline. First the missile, then the anti-missile, And then the anti-anti-missile. This'll Be followed by the anti-this....

No Help (October 1957)

NO HELP Secretary of State Dulles says that the desegregation disturbance won't do us any good abroad.—News item. It would seem, as the ugly scenes of hate Continue without abatement, That...

Everywhere Is No Man's Land (September 1957)

EVERYWHERE IS NO MAN'S LAND Amidst my dreams I hear the whistle Of Russia's new ballistic missile And wake (I did not think I'd waken) With sweat upon my brow, and shaken. But we've a missile, too,...

Pastoral Poem (September 1957)

PASTORAL POEM Khrushchev Says He Rid His "Flock" of "Black Sheep."— Newspaper headline. A very pretty picture, this, And one we'd like to keep, Of Khrushchev with his shepherd's crook Among his...

No Defense (September 1957)

NO DEFENSE From General Motors we happily amble To the president of Procler and Gamble, And offer up prayers, and fervently hope, That the wits and the wags will refrain from "soft soap," "In a...

Coming Clean (August 1957)

COMING CLEAN The clean bomb is the bomb for us, For we're the tidy kind. We do not like to leave a muss Of any sort behind. We love a bomb that makes no work For sweepers, diggers, divers, A...

Uncle (June 1957)

either case, we have sold our birthright as yea- and nay-sayers for a mess of airplane tickets and Skira reproductions. We are measuring out our prematurely old lives with espresso spoons. Secure in...

What's That Again? (May 1957)

WHAT'S THAT AGAIN? 3 Russians Off, Convinced U.S. Wants Peace.—Newspaper headine. Could this be true? I would suppose, From what I've learned so far, The Russians who are off are those Who...

Lux et Veritas (May 1957)

LUX (OR ANY OTHER SOFT SOAP) ET VERITAS Oh, Truth, which should at least be found In lofty places, I am bound To wonder just a little when High officeholders, honest men, Deny, when interviewed at...

Let There Be Less Light (May 1957)

LET THERE BE LESS LIGHT Tile French Finance Ministry has decided to- remove one in every three light bulbs in its enemy corridors to economize. —News item. Officials move from room lo room...

"Chicago and Environs, I Love You, Really" (April 1957)

CHICAGO AND ENVIRONS, I LOVE YOU, REALLY Despite the droughts, despite the blizzards, Despite the gangsters' riddled gizzards, Despite the flatness of the scenery, And cities full of drab...

Salute to a Satellite (April 1957)

SALUTE TO A SATELLITE A little freedom is a splendid thing. Great are the consequences it can bring. And we can hope that, having made a start, They will not stop until they're Poles...

Blast (March 1957)

BLAST I'm not, I must admit, so skittish About this H-bomb of the British. Despite the fact the test is all out, I have no fear of fatal fall-out. But Christmas Island! How unpleasant To think of...

Hawaii 1957 (March 1957)

HAWAII, 1957 Here is the melting pot, here is the place Where races mingle till there is no race Save one, the human. Here the brown, the white, The black, the yellow are a common sight And go...

Statement of Policy (February 1957)

STATEMENT OF POLICY What is our policy on Nasser, That treaty-flouter, UN sasser? What is our policy on Tito? Is he considered bad or neato? What is our policy on China, On Hungary, oil Asia Minor,...

Guarded Remark (January 1957)

GUARDED REMARK A group of Russian newsmen, in Los Angeles on their way home from, Australia, were denied, permission to visit movie sets but were permitted to make a trip to Disneyland•—under...

DO YOU HEAR? (December 1956)

DO YOU HEAR? Bare fists and sticks that beat upon The sides of tanks in Budapest And leave no mark send forth a sound Reverberating without rest That, hollow and metallic, rolls Across long miles...

SMALL COMFORT (November 1956)

SMALL COMFORT The latest three Soviet atom blasts are all estimated to have been relatively small, "/ess than a megaton" in destructive yield.—News item. Those oft-recited words of Pope now ring...

Latest News (October 1956)

LATEST NEWS Latest news from space is a billion years old. That's when light from stars just discooered with the Mt. Palomar telescope began its earthward journey.—Advt. of Corning C]ass...

POLITICAL DRIVE-IN (October 1956)

POLITICAL DRIVE-IN In Michigan, there is a political drive-in where you can receive campaign literature, have stickers put on car bumpers, and shake hands with the candidate, all without leaving...

POST-CONVENTION NOTE (September 1956)

POST-CONVENTION NOTE The parties have their standard-bearers, They're marching off to war. The only thing we wonder is How high their standards are. —Richard...

About Face (August 1956)

ABOUT FACE Masks and false-faces are now on the list of items that U. S. exporters may ship to the Soviet bloc without license.News item. How strange that it is found improper To ship them oil and...

DISH PLAN (July 1956)

DISH PLAN Secretary of State John Foster Dulles says he has found nothing that gives him more "complete relaxation" than washing and drying dishes.—News item. Husbands of the world, unite, You of...

Political Beef (June 1956)

POLITICAL BEEF Richard Armour Republicans are planning Beef Stew Dinners to raise money for the Eisenhower campaign. News item. Not only will "beef-stew meal Raise money it will give the feel, To...

SEAT OF POWER (May 1956)

SEAT OF POWER Prince Rainier's throne resembles Napoleon's.—News item. Compared with lands Napoleon Once held within his thrall, Wee Monaco, the Prince's sphere, Looks mighty, mighty small. But...

IN THE KNOW (April 1956)

IN THE KNOW Wilson Knows Nothing But Good About Nixon.—Newspaper headline. Here is a headline that offers us promise If merely we add just a couple of commas. The headline then reads, when we've...

High Authority (March 1956)

HIGH AUTHORITY A Budapest magazine says that Hungarian girls wearing low-cut dresses are unpatriotic and foreign. News item. The hope chest's gone In Budapest. Girls see no hope. (Men see no...

What Does It Show?: (March 1956)

WHAT DOES IT SHOW? New fashions for men will show more shirt cuff.--News item. Does such a note enlightening As this one we have read Reveal a prospect frightening Of tougher times ahead, A...

MAID IN EAST GERMANY (February 1956)

MAID IN EAST GERMANY East German Wives Want State to Provide Maids.—News item. Now in the Communistic state, Where everyone is equal, We can expect, as sure as fate, This kind of crazy...

On Pins and/or Needles (January 1956)

ON PINS AND/OR NEEDLES Dulles Pins Blame on Russians.—Newspaper headline. It's well enough to cry out "Shame on them" And do our best to pin the blame on them, And yet those doughty deeds of...

Counting the Months (January 1956)

COUNTING THE MONTHS The United States will explode its most powerful bomb in the South Pacific next spring.--News item. How many months till spring? We do not reckon Them as we did. No longer...

More Poetry Than Truth (November 1955)

MORE POETRY THAN TRUTH The well-known Soviet poet, Alexander T. Tvardovsky, was removed from editorship of a literary journal for having made "a serious political mistake" and taken "an incorrect...

COMING DOWN, LET'S FACE IT (November 1955)

COMING DOWN The average span of life of a French government since the war is seven months.—News item. In France the government may lean To left, may lean to right, May lean to West, may lean to...

By Popular Request (October 1955)

BY POPULAR REQUEST Peron said he would go, And then he said no, If people insisted And someone twisted His arm (several cheered And quickly volunteered, Thinking he meant his neck), Why, by heck, He...

Nothing Recedes Like Recession (October 1955)

NOTHING RECEDES LIKE RECESSION Richard Armour Business Ebb Said to Be Declining.--Newspaper headline. If ebb in business, ebb in bucks, The opposite of forward flux, Is harmful to the...

BLOW-BY-BLOW ACCOUNTS (September 1955)

BLOW-BY-BLOW ACCOUNT Three blasts from a bugle is the traditional rent Queen Elizabeth receives from the estate owned by Scottish Baron Sir George Clarke.—News item. Tradition is a splendid...

TREATMENT (September 1955)

TREATMENT According to a RussUm doctor, "intermittent deep sleep," induced by drugs and lasting 10-20 hours daily, is widely used to treat mental disorder.—News item. It's good to know so many...

THE WHEREABOUTS OF MR. DULLES (August 1955)

THE WHEREABOUTS OF MR. DULLES Dulles Spending W eekend in Washington. — Newspaper headline. Dulles is in London, Checking British views. Dulles is in Paris, Which is hardly news. Dulles is in...

CHOCOLATE BOMB BOMBS, IMPROVED METHODS (August 1955)

CHOCOLATE BOMB BOMBS IMPROVED METHODS An escaped refugee from Hungary says that an arms plant producing rifles, machine guns, and ammunition has been disguised as a chocolate factory.—News...

GUMMED UP (July 1955)

GUMMED UP Gum left by tourists is a cleaning problem at the White House.—News item. It's all right for tourists to be chewing While they're viewing, But what is always a source Of alarm to the...

High-Level Conference (June 1955)

HIGH-LEVEL CONFERENCE High are the hopes of the conferees, High are the expectations, High are the hats of the diplomats And high are their decorations. High are the words of the opening...

THE WORM'S TURN, IT MIGHT BE WINDY (May 1955)

THE WORM'S TURN IT MIGHT BE WINDY AT THE SUMMIT According to a British scientist, worms learn from experience even after their brains have been removed.—News item. Scorn not the worm, who without...

Careful, Fellows; On the Button (March 1955)

CAREFUL, FELLOWS Nehru pleased by moderation of language in international deal-ings.??News item. Pandit Nehru Really hates men To use rough language When they're statesmen. So watch your language,...

Four Score and Seven Years from Now (March 1955)

FOUR SCORE AND SEVEN YEARS FROM NOW President Stays Overnight at Gettysburg Farm—Newspaper headine. Is this a subtle move, perhaps, To make the pundits guess That Ike in '56 will have A...

Hamlet Thinks It Over: (March 1955)

HAMLET THINKS IT OVER —Richard Armour To coexist or not to coexist, The question narrows, Whether to suffer these outrageous acts, These slings and arrows, Or to take arms against a sea of...

Emancipation Proclamation: (March 1955)

EMANCIPATION PROCLAMATION According to an article by Russian writer, women in capitalist countries have been enslaved by men, and consequently married women hate their husbands.??”News item. My...

Go North, Young Man: (December 1954)

GO NORTH, YOUNG MAN Russian scientists have installed microphone at the North Pole, according to a Moscow report.--News item. Amidst the frigid northern airs, Amongst the nuzzling polar...

Starting from Scratch: (November 1954)

STARTING FROM SCRATCH The size of scratch pad which Mr. Dulles has been accustomed to making his doodles on has been discontinued by the General Service Administration.--News item. To change the...

No Discussion (November 1954)

NO DISCUSSION The barbers of California have added Senator McCarthy to their "do not discuss" list.??News item. The barber's task is hard enough As daily he must cope with tough, Resistant,...

National Reports: The Election Best Face Forward (October 1954)

BEST FACE FORWARD Politicians afflicted with stubble Don't televise well, it is clear. But this doesn't cause them much trouble, With make-up men hovering near. Soon hid are the whiskery...

CHANGE OF EMPHASIS (October 1954)

CHANGE OF EMPHASIS Soviet film-makers are going to emphasize love from now on.—News item. The tractor is de-emphasized, No close-ups, now, of wrenches. The anvil from the scene departs; Instead...

Storage; Behind the Glass Curtain: (September 1954)

STORAGE Railway Express is offering a storage place for valuables in atom-proof vaults in the mountains. — News item. They've taken special measures And built us mountain vaults Where we may...

Sour Note (September 1954)

SOUR NOTE Works of Stalin, Lenin Translated into Kurdish.—Newspaper headline. At last, it seems, Joe Stalin's words And Lenin's will be read by Kurds, Who, having leaped the language hurdle And...

Pose (August 1954)

POSE Seventeen more Republican candidates for office called on President Eisenhower today and had their photographs taken with him.—News item. Come, gentlemen, and watch the birdie, Stand...

Annual Adjustment (August 1954)

ANNUAL ADJUSTMENT It's good for self and nation, For keeping wise and free, That men each year vacation By mountains or by sea, Where Nature gets her chances With anyone with eyes, And heights...

It Isn't Polite to Point (July 1954)

IT ISN'T POLITE TO POINT Lodge Shows UN to Congressmen.????Newspaper headline. Senator Lodge, a talkative guide, Takes his colleagues a-touring, Shows them the buildings from every side, Tries...

Increased Vocabulary (July 1954)

INCREASED VOCABULARY The science of television is bringing many new words into the language.??”News item. The dictionary swells and squirms With scientific, rare words??”New technical descriptive...

Head Man (June 1954)

HEAD MAN —Richard Armour President Eisenhower's habit of wearing a hat on every credited with boosting hat sales by 20 per cent.—News item. Although we have no king, we have No need at all to...

Boom; Splitting Headache (June 1954)

BOOM According to a London report, there is a boom in the bulletproof-vest business, especially for politicians of Europe, the Middle East and Asia.-News item. Il used to he that diplomats Were...

Never the Twain (May 1954)

NEVER THE TWAIN Mark Twain has been cleared for inclusion in U.S. overseas libraries.-News item. Huck and Tom, it would appear, Are on our side and in the clear. Indeed, it can at last be...

In Defense of Buck and Flash; Paired Off (April 1954)

IN DEFENSE OF BUCK AND FLASH Buck Rogers, Flash Gordon and the rest of the space boys are the vanguard of a new and greater "American imperialism," aimed at conquering other planets, according to...

Out of Condition; Profit With Honor (April 1954)

OUT O F CONDITION "Pay-as-you-chill" air-conditioning may soon be available to hotel patrons.??News item. A bit too cold? A bit too hot? Then drop a quarter in the slot, And settle back, and in...

Opposition (March 1954)

OPPOSITION Opposition by the Government may drive American-style jazz underground in Yugoslavia.--News item. The Yugoslav, as like as not, Who wants his music good and hot, Will have to know the...

Flown the Coop (March 1954)

FLOWN THE COOP A Soviet pigeon flew from Murmansk to Italy today and refused to leave. --News item. They say a pigeon flapped its wings And flew with steady toil Until, its journey done, it...

Neck-and-Neck (January 1954)

NECK-AND-NECK Symptoms of TV Neck Observed by Physician.??Newspaper headline. After lots Of televiewing, Neck in knots, Head need unscrewing? Feel a speck Along old-wreck lines? You've TV...

DISH PLAN (July 1956)

Armour, Richart

ARMSTRONG, JOHN P.

ARNALL, ELLIS

ARNOLD

ARNOLD, G L.

ARNOLD, G. L.

Arnold, H.

ARON, RAYMOND

ARONSON, GREGORY

Arsenault, Raymond

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