Confessions of a High-Tech Politico

...Haze, I could now add that he is a fanatic for the MX missile and believes the metric system could save the country millions-both facts gathered from· his letters to my congressman...

...Freaks them out ever):, time...

...This in-house computer operation is extremely useful in the day-to-:<Jayletteranswering operations, but it could never handle the mass mailings we discussed earlier...

...Nothing that comes out of a congressional office is non-political, though of course there are myriad rules prohibiting self-laudatory efforts, rules that go so far as to limit the number of personal pronouns per newsletter page and the size of a representative's photo...

...What ajoke...

...I was planning to start working on the campaign, but nobody's running against us...

...As each letter comes into the office it is assigned a document number and the writer's name and the letter's subject are inserted into the computer...

...Haze, and to say I appreciate your writing me last month about the need for a Department of Education...

...I was stunned...

...Haze has two children, Hazel, age 17, and Claire, age 19, and a wife, Dolores, who is also a real estate agent and a former high-school teacher who retired when Claire was born...

...Interestingly, the greatest positive gain was in response to the question, "Do you think Congressman X has spent enough time in the district...

...Preemptive Strikes Each month that we have been in office, I have realized new and wonderfully more devious ways to maximize our potential...

...Precision Bombing Anyway, there I was, lord and high priest of an awesome realm of names and details that stretched from one far-flung corner of our district to...

...These lucky seniors were soon rewarded with more than they probably ever wished to know about generic drug discounts, special transit system fares, and the like...

...I just got a tape of Hispanic model airplane owners, and I have to come up with something to write them...

...The answer should be obvious: You, my dear, God-fearing Taxpayer, yon funded my computer frolics...

...When the little tyke has his first birthday, we automatically send the parents another book, this' one called "Child Care...

...introduction-"Thank you for your comments on the draft and the...

...It was a particularly startling shift considering that during the six-month period between the two surveys, the congressman had been in the district only twice, far below his regular schedule of biweekly visits...

...The printer is far too slow and the memory capability too limited in comparison to the systems used by the companies we hire to do our mass mail campaigns...

...Imagine that...

...Knowing that his main support would come from the immediate area around his hamlet, we pulled from the computer the names of all males between the ages of 30 and 65 who lived within the four relevant zip-codes...

...In the original poll some 70 percent answered "no...

...Officially I have gone under several titles, from Legislative Aide to Administrative Assistant...

...This is how I learned that Mr...

...Over the next month we came up with different reasons to write everyone on the list a nice letter, whether in reference to a previous letter they had written, or on a professional matter that our computer told us would be of interest to them, or, if nothing else, a note discussing alumni affairs with the State University graduates...

...If the mayor was going to run, we figured, this list would have to comprise his financial base...

...There are, however, some intriguing ways to combine the two systems...

...To myastonishment, we quickly received a tape with all the doctors and the nurses, complete, of course, with addresses...

...The plot thickened...

...I wrote everybody...

...A schedule was established so we now mail this list at least once every two months...

...A visit from the congressman would all but send these women into a swoon, assuring their eternal support, and maybe a few contributions...

...Since the day I entered the office, I have had one mission-reelect my congressman...

...By merging each of my tapes with the drivers' license file, I captured all of this information on one tape and thus learned a great deal indeed about the good Mr...

...Haze, of course, is a licensed driver as well...

...Like everyone, I'd always heard of the power of the incumbency, the perks and the privileges...

...The physicians received a letter from my congressman enclosed with a reprint from the Congressional Record of his recent remarks on the horrors of socialized medicine...

...Basically this means that each tape was cross-referenced with the drivers' license beauty to build one master file...

...While these few words of bureaucratese may appear harmless, to Hi-Tech politicos like myself they are a golden key to a magical world...

...Once the tapes were cross-referenced and merged, I then grouped all listings by household based on last names, addresses and zip codes...

...This last bit of information I gleaned by comparing the birth date of her oldest child with the date she joined the former teachers' assoCiation...

...I began with a personal letter to each of the special interest groups we had on file...

...This "issue clarification" added a whole new dimension to our correspondence' program...

...So we ask the computer for a grouping of all married couple households...

...From my experience in the campaign wars, I knew that direct mail is most effective when it is highly personal, specific, and as unusual as possible...

...The next time the congressman is in the district with a few free hours, he takes the print-out and goes directly to the houses we've targeted...

...And it just so happens that there are no limits to the number of individually addressed letters a representative can send at public expense...

...Can't be too careful, you know...

...He is also a State University alumnus...

...Per the previously quoted House regulation, computer services are absolutely kosher, as long as they are used for "non~ political" endeavors...

...Rest assured that I have every intention of following up these mailings with a voter registration form 17 years later...

...The next step was obvious...

...In addition to knowing what people do and had done, we now began to get a sense of what they thought...

...This sort of thing is standard operating procedure during a campaign, so it was only logical that we would do it, as in our minds the campaign had never ended...

...Aiid we can do it for any group of people In the district...

...Nothing, however, had prepared me for the delights that unfolded before me during our first few months in office...

...HUJIlbert Haze is a lawyer...

...For instance, a Mr...

...Then we narrow it down by excluding the less accessible rural zip codes, keeping an urban core...

...I strongly believe that a dialogue is the first step toward good communication and good communication is the first step to- . ward a better understanding of any problem...

...Today, whenever my boss is moved to make an especially forceful statement on a particular issue (and we see that he is moved frequently), we write letters to those people our computer tells us have expressed an interest in the issue...

...But you may be wondering at this point where the money came from to pay for all this sexy computer work...

...If all this is a bit disconcerting, hang on, the fun's just beginning...

...as long as they keep voting compUlsively...

...No, I'm talking about state-of-the-art incumbency-boostinga whole new ball game, at least for those of us who know the rules...

...The teachers received a moving homily on the desperate need for a Department of Education...

...I went crazy...

...His appearances had been limited to the mailbox-but that was good enough...

...Taking a tip from friends in another office, I requested from the state Board of Health a computer tape of all recent births in the district, along with parents' names, etc...

...The poll showed that we were not as strong as we thought we should be among blacks and Hispanics...

...On the average we received one response, invariably positive, for every two letters we sent-an absolutely phenomenal 50-percent rate of unsolicited response...

...This means nothing...

...For about $1,000 a month, these outfits, of which there are several, will place in your office a small impact printer that is wired by phone into their master computer...

...We then ask for certain streets in our remaining zip codes, streets in the neighborhoods we know -we want...

...Sure enough, a follow-up survey showed that the congressman's image in the minority communities had improved dramatically...

...For this I am paid a rather large sum of money, and I do a very, very good job...

...From my master file I drew out all constituents 65 and older, using the date-of-birth information on the drivers' license tapes...

...And I hear IBM is demonstrating a new machine they've finally perfected that burns entire computerized letters onto paper instantaneously, using a laser...

...Amazing...

...Most of the letters can be answered by a staff member assembling stock paragraphs already programmed into the computer...

...The key to the game is a sentence from that seemingly dull document, House Regulations, Allowances and Expenses: "Each member [of Congress] is authorized to acquire information and computer services and equipment consistent with the general provisions governing the allowance of official expenses...

...If you can't do it under the frank, you're either dumb or hopelessly un' subtle...

...Chances are, even if you light your home with jojoba oil, that after you receive a steady stream of these letters your active animosity toward my boss will 4ecrease...

...People cared about what we were saying...

...These newsletters are an old standby, but lacking a personal address they often go unread (if the postman even bothers to deliver them...

...Finally, we mailed all the teachers in the area a book on the history of the U.S...

...Democrat or Republican, conservative, moderate or liberal, it doesn't matter...

...We could get these tapes for the asking, lists I had been dying for just a few months earlier, in the campaign...

...and conclusion-"If you ever again need the assistance of me, or any other member of my staff...

...Capitol, followed by a letter to the county and municipal officials detailing the grants that had flowed into the area since Congressman X took office...

...after the mailings, this number dropped to 40 percent...

...Frequently we will pop off a few thousand letters to, say, antinuclear constituents, containing thought ful remarks the Congressman has made in support of nuclear power...

...Of course, since as a lawyer and a realtor Haze had been getting a little mail from us, it wasn't surprising he had taken the time to write...

...As one right-thinking general once said, "Big deal...

...The light began to dawn...

...That's it...

...In fact, I can say with absolute certainty that during my entire career as an incumbency virtuoso I have never broken a single law or House regulation...

...They were more than happy to comply, and we now send each new parent in the district a book called "Infant Care," published by HEW...

...I'm not talking about the oldfashioned advantages, the postal patron newsletters and the agriculture bulletins for the 4-H'ers...

...And so it went, my computers merrily churning out their monthly average of 100,000 personalized missives...

...This is pared down further by dropping the zip codes of less affluent areas (remember, we're after a middle class housewife...

...Within a month I had computer tapes with the names of every realtor, barber, banker, car dealer, state university alumna and alumnus, school teacher, and county and municipal official in our district...

...Three hundred and thirty thousand good souls and constituents, potential voters everyone...

...Hence if you write us a letter in strong opposition to the draft, and also mention that you think the 50-cents-a-gallon gas tax is a Masonic plot, our happy console operator merely hits a couple of keys and the proper paragraphs spring forth giving our congressman's sage opinion on both issues, along with a stock...

...I don't claim to know all the answers on this subject...

...It was a good and impressive collection, but somehow imperfect...

...I'd rather use a bazooka...

...The nurses got a letter pointing out the congressman's recent vote to increase funds in the federal budget for nurse training programs, along with a copy of his impassioned comments on the subject...

...As allowed under House rules, I contracted with an outside computer firm to merge and purge all the lists...

...Thus to my already significant information about Mr...

...The docs ate it up...

...I began, every three months or so, to run a merge of my office file of incoming letters with my master file of gathered data...

...Like my boss, I feel our elderly citizens deserve every courtesy and privilege from their congressional office, a service that will continue...

...To the realtors, we sent a letter bemoaning the shortage of federally subsidized mortgages...

...For instance, our poll tells us that housewives in the $15,000 to $20,000 income bracket think my boss is the new Warren Beatty...

...The rules, for example, limit a congressman to six newsletters, addressed to "Postal Patron," per constituent each year...

...4986, which allow some banks to charge higher interest rates...

...Wang Goes to Washington by William Haydon I am a top aide to a recently elected United States congressman...

...From our leftover campaign funds, we had come up with the ten grand or so our Washington pollster was charging for a detailed breakdown of our strengths and weaknesses...

...The bankers were delighted with our support for the "parity" provisions of HR...

...And bazookas, of course, are perfectly legal...

...A few days after taking the oath of officethe fruit of a sweaty, uphill campaign-my boss wanted to send a letter to some lawyers in the district...

...Uke many offices on the Hill, we employed the services of a computer firm that specializes in processing routine congressional mail...

...So I wrote the head of the state Bar and asked if we could have a list of members...

...And then I made my Big Score...

...But listen, I've got to run...

...For our next venture I turned to a poll we had commissioned some months after taking office...

...I was getting more confident now...

...Then we flooded the area, every single household, with a U.S...

...Our loyal computers also help us play all sorts of wonderful games with scheduling...

...The Ultimate Weapon The idea came to me late one Friday afternoon when I was surveying my now rather lengthy list of computer acquisitions...

...But what next...

...Haze...

...After the special interest nests were properly feathered, I branched out into more subtle endeavors...

...Cortez at the Pacific knew no greater joy...

...The ultimate weapon...

...And then I tried to forget about it, embarrassed that I had been seized by the audacity even to have made the request...

...a vital piece was absent that I couldn't quite put my finger on...

...Then there was the time we heard that a very popular small-town mayor was thinking about running against us...

...Quite simply, they grant permission to the representatives and their staffs to acquire any computer tape possible, as long as it is used for "official purposes" under the guidelines of the frank, the basic free-mailing privilege enjoyed by members of Congress...

...He is also a registered real estate agent from his days selling real estate in college...

...I mean, face it, it's hard to hate somebody who writes you such nice letters every month or so...

...Me, I'd rather send a letter addressed to the voter by name-that has an impact...

...To those dealers who sold both foreign and domestic cars, we sent a diatribe against unrealistic pollution standards and overregulation...

...Quite simply, I never needed to...

...A:side from that, though, there's not much else to do...

...Once again, computers-though a different sort-saved the day...

...And then it hit me, a thought so crazy and arrogant that it sent shivers up my spine: a drivers' license file...

...This is the congressional equivalent of the Geneva Convention prohibition against the use of dum-dum bullets...

...Bolstered by the ease of this small coup, I went on to request from the state medical association a list of its members-despite the fact that I had been denied this very list only recently, when we were campaigning...

...For some reason, talk of the mayor's candidacy seems to have faded...

...For me, it began innocuously enough...

...This doesn't mean that we write only those who are in agreement with us...

...All we had to do was ask...

...Inside Their Minds Of course, while we were peppering our constituents with personalized messages, our congressional office was also 'receiving the normal load of constituent mail at the rate of about 400 letters a week...

...The coniputer gives us a print-out, arranged by streets, of the households likely to contain our perfect woman...

...Three weeks later it came ripping through the mail: 330,000 names complete with dates of birth, sex, race, and addresses...

...The American-car dealers thrilled to the congressman's remarks on the need for higher import tariffs, and the foreign-car dealers most certainly appreciated our congratulations on their contributions to the energy crisis by marketing high mileage cars...

...The next morning I had my computers pull out all blacks and browns from our master file (keying on the race code on the drivers' license list), and letters were dispatched forthwith detailing the congressman's support of the Martin Luther King birthday bill and the need for bilingual teachers...

...the other...

...Hi, I'm Congressman X and I just wanted to drop by and see how you're doing, Mrs...

...Again, I was stunned...

...Fortunately, given the weapons placed at my disposal by the House of Representatives, all three goals were within my grasp...

...My sentiments exactly...

...And the frank-well, as one Hill buddy of mine put it, "The frank isn't a loophole, it's a black hole...

...government bulletin listing various free publications available from the government, along with a polite note telling them we'd be glad to help order anything that caught their fancy...

...Not to mention our IBM 3650...

...Before my nerve deserted me, I fired off a letter for my congressman to sign...

...By return mail, he sent me a computer tape of all the lawyers in the state, even though we had asked for only those in our district...

...Each of these letters began, "Knowing of your intense personal interest in any legislation affecting physicians/ nurses, I thought you might be interested to see...

...Though I realize we are not in agreement on this particular issue, I wanted to take the time to give you a more in-depth impression of my attitude toward nuclear power...

...Sounds interesting...

...The House of Representatives provides each congressman with about $70,000 per annum for all office expenses, from pens to telecopiers...