How To Make the Coming Bad Times Good Times for You
E., G.
How To Make the Coming Bad Times Good Times for You Want to be your own boss? Do prestigious studies on vital issues? Yearning to calculate how long it would take a welfare mother and three...
...Yearning to calculate how long it would take a welfare mother and three Navajo tribal historians to fill a Holiday Inn with golf balls...
...He will probably hire you to do a follow-up study to explain your study...
...The longer the report, the less likely it is to be read...
...direct hire" workers, and the most they can make is the top GS-15 salary, currently $190 a day.But there's no such limit on fees to consulting companies...
...Conclusions place your sponsoring agency in the awkward position of being expected to take some action...
...Make Your Reports As Long as Possible...
...Everyone, however, will come to your client briefings, because it means a morning off from work...
...Also, the less likely anyone is to try to figure out what you are talking about...
...Even if you have to use biographical material about your cousin Rollo's adolescent nasal problems...
...Here are a few simple rules on how to set up your own shop: • Get a Letterhead...
...Imply that the information needed to solve the problem is not quite available, but might be soon...
...Contracts just under $10,000 are the easiest to get, because sums under $ 10,000 can be authorized by middle-level civil servants using purchase orders...
...When agencies are desperate to dump money so they don't lose it on the next budget, Aleutian pharmaceutical reform will suddenly seem like the political vanguard...
...How To Make the Coming Bad Times Good Times for You Want to be your own boss...
...Conclusions imply that there is no need for additional study, which implies you right out of a job...
...Then government consulting is the j ob for you...
...Save Your Dumbest Ideas for the Last Month of the Fiscal Year...
...Whatever else you do, at all times, under all conditions, recommend further study...
...You just need incorporation papers, and presto- you've got overhead...
...Leave some unexplained aspect in your report...
...G.E...
...Then, after you've signed and are established, renegotiate or extend the contract for whatever sum amuses your accountant...
...Use Data That Are Several Years Old...
...The government treats individual consultants as...
...Without a letterhead, you cannot write to explain why your study will cost five times what you bid, and will be three years late...
...You will wear out your welcome quickly this way...
...This is where to concentrate your efforts...
...That way, the instant you file your study you can get a contract to update it...
...Make vague but scintillating allusions to the "real problem...
...His replacement will have no idea what your study is about, why it was commissioned, or what the letters in the agency's acronym stand for...
...Never, Ever, Ever, Offer Any Conclusions...
...Forget About Your Final Report...
...Don't be bashful...
...This is particularly important when doing "quick reaction" work...
...say, $9,800 for three years' work...
...The more highly specialized your work—there are, after all, many subtle nuances to the use of aerial photogrammetry in assessing the impact of educational funding formulas—the more ; easily you can carve out a niche of being "the one to go to...
...Advocate new legislation, more regulations, a presidential commission- anything that could complicate the subject...
...Sell Your First Contract at a Loss...
...Invest heavily in audio-visuals, handsome color handouts, and fresh coffee and donuts...
...The key here is to write your own "task order"—or wire the contract from the inside by hiring yourself...
...You're worth $190 a day, but your name followed by the words "Associates, Inc...
...And Remember: Every Report Is A Proposal...
...The government won't ask your company to prove it actually has offices, copying machines, typewriters, light bills, or any other costs...
...Incorporate...
...Become a Specialist...
...Also, it's hard for you as an individual to have overhead...
...Also, there is the remote chance someone will someday review your conclusions to see if there was any correlation between them and reality...
...If someone protests that there is no Aleutian pharmaceutical industry, tell him this is proof of strangling regulatory policy...
...Always do a lights-out slide presentation so your project manager can catch a few winks...
...If you find a problem no one else knows about, you are t he natural one to study it...
...You will be amazed how many $9,800 increments of wisdom you will have to offer...
...No one in the agency will read what you write...
...can be worth $500 a day plus overhead...
...Discover Problems...
...If you hit your deadline it becomes somewhat harder to justify asking for a contract extension—although you should not let this discourage you from doing it anyway...
...The first contract is the loss leader...
...An office, however, is not mandatory...
...Who said corporate life was dehumanizing...
...But it's no problem for your company...
...Even if fresher data are available...
...You can work out of your basement, out of the office of the agency you are serving, or, if you plan your contracts carefully, not at all...
...Miss All Deadlines...
...Point out how long the government has neglected the socioeconomic burdens heaped on the Aleutian pharmaceutical industry...
...That way, the political official running the agency will be gone (probably into consulting) by the time your report is filed...
...Get 18 Months to Finish...
Vol. 12 • May 1980 • No. 3
