Parody

Parody SUPREME COURT HALTS RECOUNT, DASHES RED SOX PENNANT HOPES Constitution Bars Strike Zone Review Limited to Boston At-Bats, Majority Decides Ruling for Yankees Prompts Bitter Dissent; ‘Jeter...

...Jeter Sucks,’ Justice Souter Complains By LINDA GREENHOUSE WASHINGTON, Nov...
...Two of the four dissenters, Stephen G. Breyer and David H. Souter, agreed with the majority that due process concerns were raised by the Massachusetts Supreme Court’s decision to assign recount responsibilities to randomly chosen Bostonarea cabdrivers employing inconsistent and subjective strike zone standards...
...Breyer and Souter also agreed that a recount restricted to the home half-innings of two games lost by the Red Sox in Boston’s Fenway Park — as proposed by Red Sox attorney Laurence H. Tribe — would clearly violate the 14th Amendment’s equal protection guarantees...
...The five members of the majority were Chief Justice William H. Rehnquist and Justices Sandra Day O’Connor, Antonin Scalia, Anthony M. Kennedy and Clarence Thomas...
...20 — The Supreme Court effectively handed baseball’s American League pennant to the New York Yankees tonight, overturning the Massachusetts Supreme Court and ruling by a vote of 5-4 that there could be no further review of ball and strike calls made by plate umpires during last month’s championship series between the Yankees and the Boston Red Sox...
...The ruling came at 10 p.m., with just two hours to spare before the World Series “safe harbor” in baseball’s bylaws would have expired...
...But Souter insisted that “Wells’s last pitch to Nomar in Game Four was a foot off the plate” and “Damon...
...The unsigned majority opinion said the immediacy of this deadline made it impossible for the court to identify a means of adjudicating disputed walks and strikeouts that was at once “minimally constitutional” and “speedy enough” to forestall cancellation of the Series...

Vol. 9 • October 2003 • No. 6


 
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