Parody
Parody clarifications of the day FROM:Marc Thiessen, Pentagon Communications Office TO:Members of the Press Corps Here are the clarifications for the comments Secretary Rumsfeld made at this...
...When Secretary Rumsfeld said, “Kofi Annan can go suck on my left...
...I salute the secretary general for his steadfast support of peace and his courageous defense of international institutions...
...Let’s face it, they’re just a bunch of pasty-faced hairless albinos who keep us up nights with the constant rounds of spanking, sodomy, and simpering,” what he meant was, “The United States values the courage and determination of the British fighting force, which will prove to be an invaluable asset should the coalition decide that force is necessary...
...We have made every effort to be open and forthcoming with our friends in the media...
...As usual, further clarifications will probably be forthcoming as the day progresses...
...When Secretary Rumsfeld said, “You know why we’re embedding you sons of bitches in our units...
...values multilateral solutions and welcomes global cooperation...
...When Secretary Rumsfeld said, “Let’s face it, the State Department’s a bunch of limp-wristed sissies who wouldn’t know a war zone from a crème brûlée and whose spines have turned to jelly from too much time spent with their heads sticking up their own rear ends,” what he really meant was, “The administration is united in its resolve to exhaust all peaceful and diplomatic means to resolve this crisis...
...We want to expose you pathetic gutless Harvard pukes for what you are,” what he meant was, “The administration respects and admires the press corps...
...If that arrogant schmuck throws one more hissy fit, I’ll sail my Navy up the East River and I’ll send some artillery so close to his French-perfumed nostrils he won’t need laxative for the rest of his life,” he meant, “The U.S...
...values multilateral solutions and welcomes global cooperation...
...We in the Pentagon depend on the State Department’s wise counsel and nuanced analysis...
...We want to march your flabby skins up and down that damn desert till you beg us to shoot you...
...If that arrogant schmuck throws one more hissy fit, I’ll sail my Navy up the East River and I’ll send some artillery so close to his French-perfumed nostrils he won’t need laxative for the rest of his life,” he meant, “The U.S...
...When Secretary Rumsfeld said, “You think I give a rat’s behind about whether the British fight in this war...
...When Secretary Rumsfeld said, “Kofi Annan can go suck on my left...
...I salute the secretary general for his steadfast support of peace and his courageous defense of international institutions...
...Cause we want to see you hacks whimper and burn when the ---- hits the fan...
...Parody clarifications of the day FROM:Marc Thiessen, Pentagon Communications Office TO:Members of the Press Corps Here are the clarifications for the comments Secretary Rumsfeld made at this morning's press conference...
Vol. 8 • March 2003 • No. 27
