Casual
Winston, Tina
Casual UNITED WE CARVE Last weekend I decided to follow the advice of our president and get back to normal life: I agreed to go to my sister's annual pumpkin-carving party. The fact that I was the...
...Life was good...
...Miserable, I realized there was nothing for it but to escape...
...We carvers started getting down to work, selecting our knives and revving up our competitive drives...
...I was informed that the Republicans had stolen the election through voter fraud...
...Some had gotten married, or had children, or landed new jobs...
...I was confident the new sense of patriotism that is sweeping our country must have reached the circle of pumpkin carvers...
...I spoke up, the proud returning champion...
...As I plotted my strategy, someone began passing around photos from last year...
...I did my round of hellos...
...Someone said I had cheated last year because I'd used two pumpkins...
...The pictures moved from person to person, and a newcomer to the group asked which pumpkin had won...
...We were beginning to be people who knew each other's histories...
...I tried to go back to carving, but I couldn't concentrate...
...Then I thought about the Special Forces newly deployed in Afghanistan...
...I thought about arguing, bringing up the independent Florida recounts that came back in Bush's favor, but I knew it was useless...
...I started looking forward to some pleasant conversation with my former adversaries...
...After all, America's new favorite catchphrase is "United We Stand...
...The fact that I was the reigning champion no doubt helped sway me, but so did the feeling in the air since September 11...
...Remember, I've admitted I used to enjoy needling these libs...
...The new guy expressed shock that my pumpkin had won the blue ribbon, and things began to take a downward turn...
...The friendly girl with whom I'd just been comparing notes on hiking and camping turned on me, her face more and more resembling that of one of the demons displayed around the house...
...The first half hour came and went without incident...
...Walking into their midst is not something I do lightly...
...TINA WINSTON...
...When I was younger, I took pleasure in the heated debates we had as we sliced and scooped, but now I find such encounters induce only angst...
...My brother-in-law, who loves to throw oil on the fire, told me my pumpkin should have read "Adjudicate Bush 2000...
...Then I looked at his design and wished him luck, feeling a flash of gratitude...
...Now that I think about it, my victory last year really was rather amazing, considering the message I'd carved on my pumpkin...
...I revisited all the scenes of September 11, and here I was at a silly pumpkin-carving party among people for whom returning to their normal lives meant rehashing Election 2000...
...Many of the normal crew were already there...
...He was working on an intricate carving of the Stars and Stripes...
...As I stood there speechless, an unlikely ally took up my cause...
...This year I was positive things would be different...
...My sister beat back the wolves thirsty for Republican blood...
...They know I'm conservative, and they lie in wait to grill me...
...I made my excuses and got ready to leave...
...My husband—who tells me I take things too seriously—said he thought he'd stay and finish his pumpkin...
...We carried our pumpkins from the car, into a house decked with skeletons, ghosts, and spiders...
...As my husband and I headed over to my sister's house in the happy commune of Falls Church City, little did we know I was a lamb to the slaughter...
...I watched my companions gut their pumpkins and stab into the pale orange flesh, and I started to feel sick...
...The faces, familiar from past gatherings, seemed less forbidding this year...
...It had a simple design and said boldly: Vote Bush 2000...
...Usually, before one of these parties I spend the better part of a week preparing myself for the ordeal of relating to my sister's liberal friends...
Vol. 7 • November 2001 • No. 8
