Parody
Parody Bush Seeks Regime Change j at New York Times Invasion Plans on His Desk, Sources Say After a series of heated discussions,, the Bush administration has concluded that it has n° ch°ice but...
...Immediately there was internal dissension...
...The president looked into Mr...
...He can do it even with an 8 x 1.0 glossy...
...Look at l the op-ed page alo^" o one general declared...
...He is widely resented by the other 80 percent of the staff, who regard themselves, and not Raines, as God's gift to journalism...
...You've got Krugman, I Herbert, Rich, Kristoff, Dowd, and on and on...
...According to Pentagon analysis, Raines can only rely on his elite Democratic Guard...
...Major-league evil," he declared...
...Raines's eyes...
...Communications intercepts revealed that the Times was readying a four part series of articles investigating potential effects of a war against Iraq: "Part 1: War Against Iraq Would Lead to Genocide, Starvation,Global Warming, End of Human ^ Life as We Know tt...
...Part 4: Peace Chic...
...The plan poses risks, however...
...Part 2: Invasion of Iraq Would Mean Longer Lines at Zabar's...
...White House officials tried in vain to persuade Colin Powell that voters elect the president, not the editors of the Times—to him an unfamiliar interpretation of the Constitution...
...They could be facing years of sarcastic condescension that they'd be totally unprepared for...
...One invasion plan calls for infiltration from the east ¦ and north...
...We have satellite networks mom-toring world Evil," a top administration source said...
...But the military brass stressed that the job of occupying the Times after the conquest would . be a messy one...
...Reasonably sure that the Times was evil, administration officials took the extraordinary step of bringing a picture of editor Howell Raines in to President Bush...
...Part 3: Invade Iraq...
...We can't be sure until the president looks into the man's soul...
...Most of our soldiers don't even speak Liberal...
...Still, military planning proceeds apace...
...It's amazing...
...Meanwhile military leaders had their own concerns...
...State Department officials were concerned about upsetting an institution they refer to as "Our Base...
...Off-Broadway Says No...
...They were reasonably confident they could subdue the Times quickly...
...Parody Bush Seeks Regime Change j at New York Times Invasion Plans on His Desk, Sources Say After a series of heated discussions,, the Bush administration has concluded that it has n° ch°ice but to seek to °verthrow the dictator^ leadership of the New York Times...
...Activist Fashions Revive at Dalton School...
...The idea would be to cut Times editors off from their second homes in the Hamptons and the Hudson Valley, and then I send in Special Forces brigades disguised as bridge and tunnel people to capture the Times editors while they are disoriented from having to spend a weekend in Manhattan...
...And there's been a lot of activity emanatag from 43rd Street...
...Military leaders are concerned that they could be drawn into a cubicle-to-cubicle struggle, and that Times editors would unleash their stockpile of highly stinky French cheeses, and other chemical agents...
Vol. 7 • September 2002 • No. 48
