Parody
Parody "If Iraq came across the Jordan River, I would grab a rifle and get in the trench and fight and die." —Bill Clinton, on defending Israel, July 29, 2002 96 The Book of Clinton 1 Dawn rose...
...9 "Can we not solve our problems with a targeted tax credit...
...10 Clintonus allowed his chin to quiver...
...He had initiated what he called Operation Political Viability, enrolling in Yeshiva Oxford, and declaring unto his people: "Have I not a deferment...
...And with that Clintonus bit his lip and the peoples were moved...
...And summoning his people, he sought to inspire them, and so boost his approval ratings...
...And especially the young and big haired ones...
...His address—the "It depends on what the definition of 'fight' is" speech—still rings in the hallowed memory of the Jewish people...
...Bill Clinton, on defending Israel, July 29, 2002 96 The Book of Clinton 1 Dawn rose early and bright over the fields of Abraham...
...8 "I too was an enabler...
...2 The Philistines were wroth, as their mighty champion, Goliath, prepared them for battle, and ready to lay waste to their enemies the Hebrews...
...For have I not known many of your women...
...Clintonus responded...
...Goliath beseeched...
...I reject the false choices of Jew and Philistine...
...3 The Israelites were filled with trepidation, for on this morning of their climactic confrontation, their great general Clintonus was late...
...7 "Clintonus...
...And many exposed their thongs, and so peace was restored to the land of milk and honey...
...For am I not a Rhodesenberg Scholar...
...5 On the morning of the battle, the Rabbis dragged him from his bed, crying, "Lead us, Clintonus, for thou art the man from Hope...
...And Clintonus, seeing that the Israelite army was a co-ed one, agreed...
...But I am also with you," he shouted to the Philistines, who were just then charging down the valley with spear and sword...
...I seek a third way...
...4 But as the Philistines marched upon Israel, Clintonus had made himself scarce...
...I shall stand with you, Hadassah, B'nai B'rith, AIPAC, and all the other great donor tribes of my party...
...6 "I am with you," he declared to the Israelites...
...down in the valley the Israelites prepared for war, led by their mighty leader, Clintonus Maccabee...
...And the Israelites and the Philistines didst dance in the street...
...Goliath bellowed...
...In fact, though not many know it, both my parents were Philistines," which was not strictly true, for his father had been a Fellatian and his mother from the tribe of Mogen David...
...To the east lay the tribes of the Philistines...
...He had summoned them to this war months earlier, declaring, "I shall fight and die for you...
...I sense you feel my pain, and understand that my belligerence is an attempt to overcompensate for the trauma of growing up in a dysfunctional family...
Vol. 7 • August 2002 • No. 47
