Parody
Parody Former MVP Ken Caminiti says steroid use is rampant in Major League Baseball. -News item Senators Say Steroid Use is Heavy By Susan Page USA TODAY WASHINGTON, D.C. — “It’s no secret...
...They fall into a state of trance like adoration at the sound of their own voice...
...Former Senator Sam Nunn agrees...
...Look at the size of these guys’ egos...
...Observers of the Senate have long suspected that the many members of the body achieved their “I walk on water” attitude pharmacologically, but until now no one knew the extent of steroid use...
...They go on and on and on...
...They’re massive...
...An already self-absorbed person becomes a self-appointed Sun God...
...It’s no secret what’s going on in U.S...
...During my years of selfless service I have become one of the most admired and revered people in this country,” says Maryland’s Barbara Mikulski...
...They’re bulked up...
...They just never want to stop talking...
...Spokesmen have always denied this...
...I have always sought to comfort the afflicted...
...You can spot the steroid users right off,” says New Jersey Senator Robert Torricelli...
...It’s obvious...
...politics,” says retired Senator Daniel Patrick Moynihan...
...They start quoting themselves...
...One of the things I’ve always observed, and I made this point on ‘Hardball’ the other night . . .” For years rumors of steroid use have swirled around certain members...
...Narcical anabolic steroids contain chemicals that dramatically increase self-regard...
...Finally senators are breaking the code of silence...
...Senate are taking narcical anabolic steroids...
...Strom Thurmond secretes Viagra,” one aide protested Still, these recent testimonies will fuel suspicions, and have already angered some...
...Strom Thurmond doesn’t take Viagra...
...Gossips said that Senator Strom Thurmond was surviving solely on steroid-enhanced self-love, and that he actually had to take Viagra to compensate for some of the steroids’ notorious side effects...
...I’d say 60 percent of the members of the U.S...
...The idea that I would need some pill to enhance my performance is just ridiculous...
...They take a selfless person, and magnify him in his own eyes so he thinks he is the center of the universe...
Vol. 7 • June 2002 • No. 38
