Parody
Parody Arafat Calls for Reforms, Elections —Headline, Washington Post, May 16, 2002 Reinventing Government I, Yasser Arafat, Supreme Chairman, Anti-Zionist Warrior, and President For Life, do...
...I will support the McCainstafa-Feingoldabdulla campaign finance reform measure...
...From now on, all bribes must be given in $2,000 hard money briefcases, and the purchase of public officials will be prohibited within 60 days of the start of an intifada...
...6. I will implement all these reforms as soon as the Palestinian Authority establishes its permanent national capital in Tel Aviv...
...I trust the people, not the powerful, to select their own targets...
...Up until now, my government has had a mere eight or nine separate militias...
...2. I will reduce paperwork for our parole boards...
...With bar code scanner technology, we should be able to release terrorists in minutes...
...4. I will reduce corruption...
...3. I will reduce top-down, command-and-control regulatory diktats...
...From now on, the Office of Faith Based Initiatives (formerly known as Hamas) will issue Suicide Belt Vouchers, which will be redeemable at grocery stores, video rental agencies, and all United Nations offices...
...At least every six months I will vow to hold elections at some distant point in the future...
...Now, as part of my Army of One initiative, each Anti-Zionist Warrior will be able to start his own army, with seed money from the European Union, merely by registering via an 800 toll-free number...
...This will make the Palestinian Authority twice as democratic...
...5. I will decentralize the Security Services...
...Parody Arafat Calls for Reforms, Elections —Headline, Washington Post, May 16, 2002 Reinventing Government I, Yasser Arafat, Supreme Chairman, Anti-Zionist Warrior, and President For Life, do officially order the following reforms, in order to democratize and reform my government and otherwise build a bridge to the 21st century: 1. From now on I will promise to hold elections twice as often...
...Up until now terrorists convicted of mass murder have languished in prison for up to an hour before they could be released...
...Formerly, suicide bombers were told where to blow up Israelis...
Vol. 7 • May 2002 • No. 36
