Parody
Parody Troops Called to Control Rukeyser Riot By KESHAWAN JONES HARTFORD, April 1 — President George W. Bush has called on the Natiom1 Guard to quell riots that began in Rohaton, Connecticut,...
...And when one heart surgeon hurled a PBS tote bag filled with unread issues of T°wn & Country magazine at a local realtor, Connecticut Governor John G. Rowland...
...A procession of paunchy men in green pants and loafers soon formed and someone began the chant which has since become the moment's motto: "We're Perturb...
...We Know It...
...Still the violence did not end...
...Driven by hopelessness and despair, the extremely affluent men soon began tossing floral centerpieces at police...
...The riots began modestly...
...Rukeyser's sardonic commentary and market analysis...
...The disturbances began last Friday night, when the region's CEOs CFOs, and muni bond fund managers settled down in their dens for their weekly dose of Mr...
...Bart's...
...When they learned that Rukeyser had been replaced after 437 years of doing the show, thousands spontaneously took to the streets, many still holding their highballs and batteiy-pcw-ered swizzle sticks...
...and "24-6-8, We Know How to Litigate...
...On the first night, three men were issued summonses after trying to razor a Groton window sticker off a neighbor's Lexus, and Percy Biddle-Throckhopper was arrested after hurling a glass jar of gimlet onions into a "Plastics Only" recycling bin...
...The rioters were apparently unaware of the fact that Mr...
...and issuing threats such as: "No Justice, No Donations...
...What has become known as the WASP Intifada is now entering its fifth day and shows no sign of abating...
...Parody Troops Called to Control Rukeyser Riot By KESHAWAN JONES HARTFORD, April 1 — President George W. Bush has called on the Natiom1 Guard to quell riots that began in Rohaton, Connecticut, following PBS's decision last week to fire Louis Rukeyser from "Wall Street Week...
...Crowds of deeply annoyed white men have been rampaging through the commuter towns of southern Connecticut and New York's Westchester County, lootiiig Bonwit Tellers, turning over Range Rovers, and menacing local shopkeepers with putters and sand wedges What has become known as the WASP Intifada is now entering its fifth day...
...Some suburban wives sent their nannies to protest for them since they were too busy...
...The following night, though, the situation began to spiral out of control...
...Biddle-Throckhopper had called his counselors, Alan Dershowitz, David Boies, and Robert Bennett, shortly after his arrest, had been immediately released with an apology from the police, and was at that moment relaxing on his jet on his way to a spa in St...
...Posses of Presbyterians piled out of their Chevy Suburbans at the local police headquarters chanting "Free Biddle-Throckhopper...
...But It Wouldn't Be Polite to Show It...
Vol. 7 • April 2002 • No. 29
