Parody
Parody President Bush recently used a chainsaw while wearing "a cowboy hat, aviator sunglasses, earplugs, and heavy gloves." He should have "dressed more appropriately," with "Kevlar logging...
...But record gate receipts and unprecedented media attention cannot disguise what's happening down m tfe mulch pits...
...West 43rd Street's hopes for this year's games seem dashed...
...Is it a coincidence we're the only club that hasn't stripped down to cowboy hats, aviator sunglasses, earplugs, and heavy gloves...
...It's an unqualified triumph...
...We've got 34 countries represrnt ed, it's standing room only every day, and ESPN has covered us live the entire time," notes Avery Browriidg^ president of the International BMe and Handle Association, the worid-wide governing body for timber sports...
...Dowd, however, relies on the same old "saw/' year after year, and there are those who claim she's lost her edge...
...Dowd laughs at the suggestion...
...And senior IBHA officials say they will not disqualify any medalist simply because of what he was wearing...
...Underhanded hatchetwoman Maureen Dowd, 49, has been the pride of West 43rd Street for more than a decade...
...In this event, contestants stand on a thick block of yellow poplar and swing a hatchet "underhanded" between their feet rao ing the clock to cut the wood clean through...
...State police headquarters in Salem declined comment...
...10 — To hear the event's organizers tell it, this year's Lumberjack Olympics, a quadrant gathering of champion axemen from all over the globe, have been successful beyond their wildest dreams...
...This is not a consolation prize," its publisher, Arthur Sulzberger, Jr., insists...
...And an unmistakabte pat tern has emerged there...
...At noon on Monday all of Manhattan went eerily silent as OTdi-nary New Yorkers, millions of whom work with chainsaws all the time, turned off their motors in tribute to tte "lumberjack's lumberjack...
...New York Times editorial, August 28 NEW YORK TIMES SPORTS TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 11, 2001 LUMBERJACKING Safety Lapses Mar Timber Tourney By CHAIM KLEULITZ SNOPES, Ore., Sept...
...In Sunday's tree-topping finals, West 43rd Street's Raines, 58, climtad the slippery pole faster than anyone else...
...It's obvious you can win that way but it's unfair and dangerous...
...Urologists at USC Hospital in Los Angeles, where Keller was flown for emergency reconstructive surgery, say he remains in critical condition...
...But she finished dead last...
...Keller once remarked that less strenuous sports like fly fishing reminded him of "that creep...
...But this is how the real pros dress, and I'm a pro...
...He should have "dressed more appropriately," with "Kevlar logging chaps," a "wraparound mesh face-mask," and "more aggressive hearing protection...
...The real problem is I still care about clothing in my work and they don't," she said today, resplendent in a wraparound mesh face-mask and vulcanfcf^ rubber ear muffs...
...Still, Keller's career as an active woodsman is over, and that stark reality is sinking in...
...Most athletes in Snopes this week— and thousands of fans who paM $30 a day to see their heroes in action — appear to share such enthusiasm...
...Besides, a girl feels naked out there without her Kevlar toggmg chaps...
...Friday's underhand chop comperti-tion hurt the team badly...
...Intending to rescue his friend, Keller attempted to stop the deadly blade by pinning it between his thighs, but he sligMy misjudged the angle...
...And the team representing New York at this Olympics, Manhattan's storied West 43rd Street Logrollers, is threatening to boycott Thursday's closing ceremonies unless uniform safety standards are reaffirmed by the IBHA...
...That's "how the real pros dress, the ones that work with chainsaws all the time...
...But even this, the club's lone medal, feels like something less than a victory, because the man thought to have been Raines's chief climbing ri'vd — his teammate Bill Keller, 52 — was prevented from competing by a freak injury suffered earlier in the day...
...We've been almost complete^ shut out...
...Olympic choppers typically replace their axes every few months so as to keep a sharp blade...
...M but one of them have gone to tarcte-jacks who employed strikingly similar— and minimalist — safety gear...
...Some opponents privately contend that Dowd's poor showing was no surprise...
...The gear is heavy and nowadays that's a disadvantage...
...Look around," complained West 43rd Street spokesperson Gail Cdto, 55, whose performance in the c°m-pressed air blower finals yesterday produced a cloud of sawdust but no me<M...
...People should be dressed more appropriate^" Collins said team captain Howell Raines had filed a formal protest But late today Browridge told reporters he was unfamiliar with either the Logrollers or their grievance...
...Top analysts in New York, a city thai...
...According to Raines, the two men were alone in a staging area, performing an equipment check, when Raines lost control of his chainsaw...
...Should he survive, he has been offered a regular columnist's spot at a lumber-jacking newsletter widely read back home in New York...
...Dozens of medals have already been awarded...
...is to championship woodchopping what Mecca is to Muslims, are aghast...
Vol. 7 • September 2001 • No. 1
