Parody
Parody ASPEN, Colo. — The embattled chairman of Enron Corp. has put three of his four Aspen properties up for sale, asking a total of more than $15 million. The properties, owned by Kenneth Lay and...
...Structure: The foundation is faultless...
...The dining room wallpaper made up of 401(k) earnings reports does not convey...
...Family room complete with safe and check-writing machinery great for entertaining...
...Home Inspection Report 15,459,000,987 Red Mountain Lane Aspen, Colo...
...Kitchen has been off-loaded to the Cayman Islands for tax reasons...
...Floorboards have pleasant bow-shaped design to enhance drainage...
...The statue of Phil Gramm on the roof does not convey...
...The front of the house offers ocean views and access to a private jetty, which is a short walk from Central Park and a New York subway stop...
...Interior: All wiring has been laid under carpets to allow for maximum flexibility...
...The properties, owned by Kenneth Lay and his wife, Linda, include two single-family homes and an undeveloped lot at the base of Red Mountain, Aspen broker Joshua Saslove said Wednesday...
...Associated Press Andersen Arthur Andersen Home Inspections Inc...
...All downspouts from the gutters have been removed, allowing a free flow of water to the foundation materials, thus keeping them clean and free of debris...
...Small omnivorous insects are noticeable in the floor joists, thus bonding the materials with super-strong organic reinforcement agents...
...There are 16 bedrooms and 9 baths upstairs and 4 bedrooms, 14 hectares of Jacuzzi space, and a sauna downstairs, plus a shredding room in the basement...
...9089 Prepared for: Kenneth Lay Inspector: David Duncan Summary Overall: This home is in perfect shape...
...The vinyl roof, a mere 73 years old, has been cleansed of its tar-like top layer, thus removing a potential cancer hazard and allowing snowmelt to be soaked up harmlessly in the soft pink insulation material stored in the attic...
...The body of Sherron Watkins’s drowned cat at the bottom of the Olympic-sized swimming pool does not convey...
...It has a living area of 2,345 square feet downstairs and 7,890 square feet upstairs with no basement, for a total living space of 6 square miles—up from 3.5 square miles when this home was last inspected just 16 months ago...
Vol. 7 • January 2002 • No. 19
