Parody
Parody Jeffords Leaves Vermont for New HampsMt-e; Believed State Drifting "Too Far West" By ADAM CLYMER WASHINGTON, July 30—In a move that rocked Washington, Senator James M. Jeffords has decided...
...I was disturbed by the upward drift of the Natural Law Party, and my conscience could not allow me to continue any affiliation," the flinty politician said after a levitation session with the Maharishi...
...Jeffords kept breaking with different synagogues, thereby screwing up their efforts to get minyans...
...The irony is that the flinty New England senator had been a member of a single party, the Republican Party, for several decades, until he discovered that everyone in that party was morally inferior to himself...
...Believed State Drifting "Too Far West" By ADAM CLYMER WASHINGTON, July 30—In a move that rocked Washington, Senator James M. Jeffords has decided to leave the Verm°nt state delegation and join the New Hampshire delegation, giving that state three senators and unprecedented power in the upper chamber "It's something that I've been thinking about for twenty years," the flirty New England senator declared, "and when 1 saw that Vermont was now bordering New York, whereas New Hampshire borders Maine, my conscience dictated I make the switch...
...Less than 48 hours before switching states, Jeffords had abandoned the Natural Law Party for the French Rally for the Republic Party, his ninth party switch in a fortnight...
...His earlier defection from the Israeli Shas Party caused a major crisis in the Knesset and brought down the government of Ariel Sharon...
...Ever since I was a little boy, I've felt that I was actually the president of NOW trapped in a I flinty New Englander's body...
...If there's one thing we appreciate up here in New England, it's rank opportunism," one observer said...
...The move comes at the end of a tumultuous month for the independent-minded flinty New Englander...
...He initially decided to vote with the Democrats, and not coincidentally was given a major chairmanship, but he broke with the Democratic Party after its leaders would not endorse him for the presidency of the ; National Organization for Women...
...plus I'm saving a ton of dough in taxes...
...The Natural Law Party defection followed a noisy break with the Socialist Workers Party, which followed a defection from the Democratic Farmer Labor Party which in turn followed a short stint as the only senator from the Reform Party...
...New Hampshirites praised Jeffords's switch as an act of courage, while political experts said that the flinty senator would not be punished for his move...
...Senator Jeffords said he felt most at home as a member of the Whig Party, but his conscience forced him to leave that party after he discovered that it no longer existed...
...His break with Shas was precipitated by tension with leaders of the Hasidic movement...
Vol. 6 • June 2001 • No. 37
