Parody
Parody Increasingly, schools move to restrict dodge ball. What was once shrugged off as a harmless game is now considered aggressive, unwholesome and a cause of injuries by some school...
...Blind Man's Buff...
...Duck-Duck-Goose...
...Slow-footed, Hitler was unable to catch any of the other children and thus acquired feelings of objectification which eventually forced him to start World War II and cause the deaths of 35 million people...
...This was another game that ridiculed the differently abled...
...What was once shrugged off as a harmless game is now considered aggressive, unwholesome and a cause of injuries by some school administrators...
...Fortunately, by the middle of the 21st century, success with cloning experiments meant that little boys could be neutered at birth and drained of all testosterone...
...Adult guilt over having played this game eventually led adults to give handicapped people the best parking spots...
...Simon Says...
...In this game a child was robbed of sight with a blindfold and compelled to drive a sharp instrument into the rear end of a symbolic representation of an innocent animal...
...In this game, children were arranged in a circle of terror while one child, armed with absolute authority, designated a condemned child as the goose...
...But the major damage was psychological, as small children were transformed into hunted animals, scampering frantically for survival in the merciless killing field of the school playground...
...These reforms vast...
...The goose was then forced to scamper madly around the circle in a desperate bid to relieve himself of goose status...
...Pin the Tail on the Donkey...
...A child was forced to wander sightlessly through a free fire zone of taunting and abuse, thus leading directly to feelings of inadequacy, drug abuse, and teen suicide...
...It was also discovered that little girls could escape the traumas of childhood and adolescence if they remained in an artificial womb until their 21st birthday, and were fed a nutritional formula through an IV tube...
...Psychological scars from this game led to goose-stepping and also contributed to Nazism and World War II...
...Those who through carelessness could not conform to the orders from Simon were immediately eliminated...
...Derived from primordial hunting rituals, this game was eventually replaced with "Coax the Hug from the Buddy" in which children told each other how special they were before embracing...
...New York Times, May 6, 2001 The Oxford History of America The Barbarian Years: 1990-2010 Twenty-second century parents may have trouble believing it, but back in the early 21st century, Americans engaged in a game called "dodge ball," in which they savagely hurled large reddish spheroids at one another, often causing bruising, scrapes, and, after long periods of running, shortness of breath...
...After dodge ball was banned, crime in America declined by 75 percent, students began sharing their dessert treats with one another, and junior high school boys began listening to Carole King's old album, Tapestry...
...A study by the American Association of University Women proved conclusively that as a 9-year-old boy, Adolf Hitler was forced to be "it" in a game of tag...
...Tag was finally banned from America in 2013...
...Following the success of the dodge ball abolition movement, educators across America mounted crusades against other activities that had, for centuries, marred American childhood: *Tag...
...Children were instructed to offer blind obedience to a tyrant named Simon who issued arbitrary and ceaseless demands...
...This game led to Stalinism and the Ukrainian famine...
Vol. 6 • May 2001 • No. 34
