Casual
SKINNER, DAVID
Casual COLLARED Last week, the president created an Office of Faith-Based and Community Outreach. ^Predictably, wall-of-separation alarm clocks, set for a Republican administration, have been...
...Now, by my reading of the relevant statutes, having finished the test and cleared off the premises, I had ceased being a student of St...
...Francis, on city property, in a park...
...DAVID SKINNER...
...They were strangely dismissive of my legalistic argument that the dean of St...
...I hoped he wouldnt do that, I said, but still I couldnt see how it was any business of his if a boy who wasnt even a student at St...
...Francis lacked the necessary standing to get all blustery and menacing about my off-campus activities...
...Go to the supermarket with James for some orange juice...
...Only then would I get around to actually breaking the law, by purchasing a liter of vodka...
...Returning the favor, my father was more than willing to get tough with the liquor store owner, both as a parent and on behalf of the school...
...Francis...
...It was ^o embarrassing...
...Which wouldnt have gotten them in trouble had they not made a racket in the girls room...
...My parents had happily allowed the dean to castigate their child...
...A few days passed before the dean of men called me at home to set up a little get-together...
...We were six or seven minors, including some girls I didnt know...
...In fact, all their clattering and cackling might not have attracted anyones attention, had the nearby classrooms not been filled with sophomores taking state math exams...
...My mother and father made it plain that the dean was a member of the same committee of adults they belonged to and had as much authority to yell at me as they had to ground me...
...The dean of men quickly tired of me and demanded another meetingwith my parents, both of them if possible...
...And he was huge...
...In my reply, I conspicuously replaced the word transpired with took place and made it clear that I didnt think he had a shred of author -ity to bully me like this...
...The dean of men, it so happened, was also coach of the weightlifting team...
...My father nodded a lot while the dean repeated the litany of my crimes...
...Two of them, as someone later recalled, got really buzzed and had to go to the bathroom...
...Convince an artsy chick named Jen to lead a small expedition to Springfield Boulevard, via the public bus system, to buy a pizza pie and bring it back...
...Everyone was in cahootsand every -one had standing except me...
...For ten years I attended Catholic school, and even on the day I was leaving it for good, its coercive extralegal authoritj followed me out the door...
...Predictably, wall-of-separation alarm clocks, set for a Republican administration, have been going off all over the place...
...Its also because I know how the power of moral suasion is vested in certain private institutions...
...They even seemed grateful for the assistance...
...So the two girls walked down the street to use the facilities at St...
...I myself find the phrase faith-based institution unsettling, and not only because it pushes aside less ugly terms like religious charity...
...For the fall, I was enrolled in a public school...
...He noted that we could always call over the boys from the local police precinct to see what they would say...
...One could see, just beneath his short-sleeved button-down shirt, his upper arms widening and his trapezius muscles swelling upward into his walrus-sized neck, which looked about to burst the confines of collar and necktie...
...The village had spoken...
...He didnt believe me when I pointed out that I was no longer a student at his school...
...And the dean convinced my father to drive me over to the store where I had bought the vodka and browbeat the owner for selling liquor to a minor...
...At the second meeting, two things happened...
...His folded hands pushed hard against each other...
...Francis celebrated the last day of school in whatever fashion he pleased...
...But since he was eager to involve my parents, I thought I should humor him and nip this thing in the bud...
...I dont remember everything that was said at our meeting, but I do remember his first words: So, Mr . Skinner, why dont you tell me what transpired the other day...
...Francis Preparatory High School...
...Talk to my buddy James about fund-raising opportunities among our friends...
...That night at home, I begged my parents to tell him to get lost...
...Then, as if using an SAT word werent threatening enough, he exed...
...Only minutes after they were apprehended by a nun, I later learned, they answered the fateful question: Who bought the liquor...
...That morning, I had ful filled my final obligation of the academic year, an examination required by New York state...
...We sat under a tree that all the cool students called Euripides...
...I had a lot to do that afternoon...
...Our pizza and screwdrivers party took place down the street from St...
Vol. 6 • February 2001 • No. 21
