Women of the Clinton Scandals

...So it's understandable she grows agitated when I ask her for a Clinton assessment...

...Where will he take his first date...

...What she believes he'll do instead is a reverse Reagan...

...Still, whenever she sees Clinton on television, "There's just a hatred...

...I'd say that my family worked for you, my children admired you...

...While Browning is waiting for Clinton to turn up in Porky's 4, Susan McDougal wouldn't be able to afford a matinee ticket...

...In 1995, she was cited by police in a Little Rock park after her thong bikini failed to conceal her sufficiently...

...I should've come forward sooner," she says...

...Hillary Clinton's expertise you could fit in the head of a thimble— she doesn't know a dessert spoon from a soup spoon...

...They come in all shapes and hair colors, some of them without benefit of bleach or surgical enhancement...

...Fortunately, she has found a way to "reawaken my creative senses" by selling purses online (our favorite: the Moroccan Mermaid Button Purse...

...Willey is now happily remarried after filing bankruptcy as a result of debts incurred by her first husband, who committed suicide on the day of her Clinton encounter...

...While Jones did not respond to interview requests, her estranged husband Steve did...

...They are the Women Of the Clinton Scandals (WOCS...

...I worked in that social office...

...Steve allows that he "enjoyed playing the chess game" that nearly toppled Clinton...

...McDougal's been romantically linked to Clinton, a charge she categorically denies, though she does find him "brotherly attractive...

...Free publicity," I offer...

...Will he putter around his rutabaga garden in fuzzy house slippers...

...But he says that while his wife was inappropriately propositioned, "she certainly shouldn't have stayed [in Clinton's hotel room] as long as she did...

...Less remorseful is Dolly Kyle Browning, the spunky Dallas real estate attorney with self-described "sea-mist green eyes" who was outed during impeachment as one of Clinton's paramours...

...Clinton will do the presidency and then the B-movies...

...I want to go through the TV screen and strangle the man...

...What the hell was it all about, and would I do it again...

...On the whole, Broaddrick says her disclosure has been beneficial to her marriage and mental health...

...she asks...

...After being systematically harassed by anonymous tormentors who, among other things, stole her cat and threatened her children, after being demonized by administration soldiers who leaked her private correspondence, and after developing a nasty case of stress-related shingles, Willey has dropped her lawsuit against the administration...

...Absolutely not...

...He has to be in the limelight, and he'll do whatever it takes to get there...

...There are also WOCS who are attempting to rise above the past...

...These days, Monica Lewinsky will only talk about the Big Creep to a federal grand jury...

...She's elated about Hillary's election, though of the Clinton marriage, she says, "I can't figure that whole deal out...

...I just wish he'd be removed from public sight, but I feel like he's going to stay active and try to get [Hillary] elected [president] in 2004...

...Broaddrick's life has returned to normal: tennis matches, tending to the animals on her Van Buren, Ark., spread, gathering her nursing home business's records for the mysterious tax audit that seems to come the way of many of the WOCS.Broaddrick, who believed finally coming forward would lead to Clinton's removal from office, says she is partly to blame that the controversy blew over (Clinton left his denial to his lawyer and hasn't addressed it since...

...Of all those she resents, Hillary is foremost...

...Since her disclosure, it's been tough going for the woman Grand Funk Railroad immortalized in song as "Sweet Sweet Connie...

...They've started websites and written tell-all books...

...But Hamzy, who passed a polygraph test administered by the American Spectator, persuasively declared, "I may be a slut, but I'm no liar...

...of her affair with Clinton—such as his "wearing my black nightgown, playing the sax badly...

...Her Penthouse spread has him apoplectic, though he doesn't think it will win him custody of their children, since in California, "you can be a prostitute and they'll give you custody...

...Browning has known Clinton since they were children, and says that as a pair of sex addicts (she's in recovery), they had a 30-year multi-dimensional relationship which she has detailed in her self-published roman a Purposes of the Heart (best character: Mallo-ry Cheatham, the fat-ankled wife of southern governor Cameron Coulter...

...Asked what they'd say to Clinton if they ran into him at the Stop'n'Shop, Willey laughs...

...What they did was wrong," says Willey...

...And neither were we able to contact Gennifer Flowers, currently traveling with her husband, the unfortunately named Finis Shelnutt...

...Two non-consensual WOCS who are more liberal with their Clinton criticisms are Kathleen Willey and Juanita Broaddrick, allegedly pawed and raped, respectively...

...When asked what Clinton should do next, Browning replies, "He needs to turn and repent and get his life straight...

...In the interest of catching up and making sense of the last eight years, we called some WOCS to take one last lap around infamy's track...

...To support her groupie habit, she's worked a string of dead-end jobs from part-time retail clerk to breeder of Persian cats...

...Out of work and living at her parents' home in Camden, Ark., Clinton's Whitewater partner is battle-hardened after serving 22 months in seven different prisons resulting from her refusal to testify before Ken Starr, whom she has likened to Charles Manson...

...While Lewinsky used to be all-embarrassing-disclosures, all-the-time (her book informed us that she went to "fat camp," threw a hissy fit when daddy wouldn't buy her a Snoopy telephone, and told a gut-conscious Clinton, "I like your tummy"), she is all business these days, especially since her tax and legal expenses have eaten through her Jenny Craig profits...

...Broaddrick is less circumspect: "I'd tell him to go to hell...

...What's in it for me...

...An Invitation to the White House...

...They do nude spreads and penance, and one of them even did time...

...I try to explain that Lindsey only intimidates people who've had sexual contact with Clinton, which, as of this writing, excludes me...

...The $8 million book deal Hillary secured is especially irksome to Willey, who was once accused by Clinton lackeys of trying to turn a quick literary buck (which she never attempted...

...BY MATT LABASH As the sun sets on Bill Clinton's presidency, it is easy to give in to sentimentalizing, to legacy-assessing, to speculating about his future: Will he run for Senate or host his own talk show...

...Not just any paramour, mind you, like the "12-year one night stand" that Browning says Clinton conducted with Flowers...

...I can't eat publicity," she snarls...

...You know what that book's going to be...

...Celebrating the miracle of airbrushing, Paula Jones has, in its latest issue, joined Sweet Connie in the Penthouse pantheon with a multi-page layout and an accompanying interview in which she denounces conservatives who used her harassment charge for political ends...

...It's going to be page after page of lies...

...When not engaging in presidential commerce, the cabaret veteran has brought the gift of song to an international audience and lectured on "Surviving Sex, Power and Propaganda" at the Oxford Union...

...The suspicion is hardly surprising, she says, since "any woman of a certain age in Arkansas was suspected...

...Willey adds that "she'll write that like she wrote the book on entertaining [the first lady's recent offering...

...After stealing a quick grope, they were unable to find an available room, and their session went unconsummated...

...But this will take years in court with the Clintons, and I just don't have the stomach to be in the same room with those people anymore...

...As N^-ws-week reported, Hillary Clinton wanted to destroy Hamzy's credibility, such as it was (Hamzy boasted of taking on 24 guys during a single Allman Brothers concert...

...Still, there are other WOCS with stories to tell (and with listed phone numbers...

...As she told the Pure Oxygen website, "Bags are my life...

...asks Willey...

...They've been hookers and housewives and ladies all...

...As journalists plumb for answers to these important questions, the most distinctive contingent of the Clinton era has been grossly neglected...

...You mean if he was buying a pound of bacon...

...Give me a break...

...But she abruptly hangs up...

...She put Sid Blumen-thal out there," says Willey...

...I am just so profoundly disappointed that you turned to this, that you did this to people like me, for going into a courtroom and telling the truth under oath...

...In the January 1992 Penthouse, Hamzy detailed her 1984 encounter with Governor Clinton, when he tried to pick her up in her skimpy purple bikini at a Little Rock hotel pool...

...She wishes he hadn't been embroiled in the Lewinsky scandal, which she says kept Starr on the case, costing her an additional six months in jail...

...Space considerations necessitate hmit-I ing ourselves to a representative ^^ sample...

...Though Browning planned a trilogy, she interrupted writing "book two to write book true," a non-fiction treatment of her experiences entitled Perjuries of the Heart...

...She put a lot of this stuff in motion...

...In 1998, her campaign for mayor of Little Rock self-destructed when she was arrested for public intoxication...

...Reagan did the B-movies first and then the presidency," she says...

...Besides, as of late, no one's seen much of Sally Perdue (the former Miss Arkansas who was threatened after disclosing the ugly particulars Matt Labash is a staff writer at THE WEEKLY STANDARD...

...Two years ago, Juanita Broaddrick claimed that she was raped in 1978 by then Arkansas attorney general Bill Clinton, who bit her lip until it was swollen then told her before leaving, "You better put some ice on that...

...she asks, before lapsing into thoughtful silence...

...With a mound of debts and a busted marriage, Steve says, "I sometimes sit down with a good Cabernet and think...

...Since Flowers has abandoned her Gennifer's Girls interactive cybersex service, she's stayed busy on her website selling "Presidente" cigars, her tell-too-much book ("Willard" and "Precious" were their pet names for each other's privates), and pictures of herself...

...I'm not talking unless you're talking money...

...In the beginning, there was Connie Hamzy, the infamous rock'n'roll groupie (who claims a resume stretching from Vanilla Ice to Richard Carpenter) and the first of candidate Clinton's extramarital headaches...

...A failed actor and airline ticketing agent, Steve had the first inkling their marriage was going south after Paula jeopardized their credibility by lending her name to the Celebrity Psychic Network...

...Call me again, and I'll call Bruce Lindsey at the White House...

...Now taking up the mantle of prison reform (she is incredulous that I'm unaware prison toilet tanks double as water fountains—"you've lived a sheltered life"), McDougal says she doesn't resent Clinton in the least, though she wouldn't mind a presidential pardon to erase her substantial contempt fines...

...McDougal thinks Clinton's been a "great president," but her praise comes with a caveat...