Parody
Parody The International Institute for Secular Humanistic Judaism ordained its first rabbi in Michigan this month. —The Forward, October 15, 1999 Proceedings of the First Annual Passover Seder...
...This is some of the ^t mayonnaise I've ever tasted...
...They are: I Thou shalt change thy name so it sounds more normal...
...Thou shalt attend services no more than twice a year, and on Yom Kippur don't wcr-ry a^3ut fasting...
...So to raise his consciousness, Moses said, "If you do not let my people go, I will unleash plagues upon you...
...Thou shalt worry about the Religious Right and declare it scary, because at any moment it could launch a pogrom against nonobservant, Lexus-owning corporate tax attorneys...
...And he consulted a focus group, which came up with what have since beccme known as the Three Commandments...
...And with these rules to guide them, the Jews moved peacefully into Israel...
...Then he thought he heard a voice telling him to take off his shoes, so he decided he needed to get back to camp and have some herbal tea and a miassage...
...The Forward, October 15, 1999 Proceedings of the First Annual Passover Seder and Clam Bake First Michigan Atheist Shul Dearborn, Michigan April 13, 2000 Rabbi Christopher Winthrop O 'Casey presiding RABBI O'CASEY: Good evening, friends...
...And when he saw some of the Egyptians committing a hate crime against a Jew, he realized he had beccme the pharaoh's enabler...
...First I'd like to thank Mary for brinc,ing the Kay-onnaise...
...But if you let us go, my people Israel will vote Damccratic and support Afrocentric curricula in the public schools...
...So he went to the pharaoh and spoke truth to power: "You are disresPecting my culturai icentity " But the pharaoh was not responsive...
...And so it came to pass, and the Jewish people multiplied and intermarried and raised nice little Protestant kids in Larchmont, Evanston, and Santa Monica...
...III...
...There are all those zealots there who won't let us shop on Saturdays...
...You will feel neurctic and anxious and your palaces will suffer from a lack of feng shui...
...And the Jews were in such a hurry to leave they did not have time to make leavened bread, which is why even tcday during the eight days of Passover we eat matzo, unless it is inconvenient, in which case we go back to Wonder Bread...
...Can't we settle in Tel Av:v, where there are beaches...
...And then they began wandering in the desert One day Moses was out practicing his fairway shots and he came upon a burning bush Aware that brush fires can threaten homes and endanger animals, he poured some water on it, but it wouldn't go out...
...MARY: Thanks, Rabbi Chris...
...After that he felt much fcetter...
...So the pharaoh let the Jews go, but he changed his mind...
...The story really starts in E3ypt a long tim^e ago when Jews were an oppressed out-group held down ty a hegemLonic power structure There was a young man named Moses who had assimilated into the larger culture, but still he felt the need for some distinct ictentit...
...RABBI O'CASEY: Now I'd like to talk about the Passover story, which as I'm sure many of you aire aware is central to our identity as Jews...
...The Jews were fleeing from the Egyptian army when the Red Sea suddenly dried up on account of global warming...
...But the Jewish people had begun to worship at the feet of a golden calf, which Moses found loud and vulgar, so he said to himself, "I've got to l-ay down scme rules here...
...And the children of Israel said unto Moses, "Do we really have to go to Jerusalem...
...And Moses saw that it was good and went to Boca for the winters, where he had a time share...
Vol. 5 • November 1999 • No. 7
