Parody
Parody James Kimsey, co-founder and chairman emeritus of America Online, traveled to the Colombian jungle to bring the wonders of e-commerce to leaders of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of...
...We opened at 37 and were trading at 127 by the end of the day...
...We owe our success to a lot of hard work (remember those all-nighters...
...Parody James Kimsey, co-founder and chairman emeritus of America Online, traveled to the Colombian jungle to bring the wonders of e-commerce to leaders of the Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia, a Marxist guerrilla army...
...It's about killing people...
...As you know, with this IPO we are disaggregating our businesses into two core entities...
...As you may have heard, we just completed our IPO and it was phat...
...We have some refrigeration glitches to work out (necessary for returning the parts of kidnapping victims), but those are entirely correctable, and the response from our Super Bowl commercial "We Will Bury You, American Pigs" has been overwhelming...
...In the next few weeks many of you will be seeing the first proceeds from your insider stock options...
...It's a paradigm-shif ting approach that empowers addicts, making them the market drivers in a frictionless global networking environment...
...But I hope we can all remember the dream that inspired us to take up arms in the first place...
...The extortion and terrorist division, ransom.net, has become the buzz of the chat rooms, because while the drug division has an old-fashioned revenue stream, the profits from an on-line people's liberation army are still speculative...
...You can read more about my concept in my new book, The Management Secrets of Che Guevara (Wile E. & Sons, $29.95...
...and our laser-like focus on our core business plans...
...Buyers will just plug in an order on our site, and dealers from around the world will bid for their business...
...There will be temptations to change your lifestyle...
...The group, which earns over $500 million a year in extortion, kidnapping, and protection for the drug trade, murdered three Americans last year as part of its terrorist campaign against the United States...
...The heroin trafficking business smack.com (now trading under the symbol SMAQ) will allow e-junkies to purchase the finest horse online (with a free first-run video thrown in...
...We now have a market capitalization six times that of the Soviet Union on their best day, and our upside growth potential is awesome...
...Washington Post, March 15, 2000 The Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia "Sometimes Ycu Gotta Break The Rules" To: Warriors and Shareholders From: Manuel Marulanda, General, President for Iife, CEO Comrades, Dudes: Capitalism rocks...
...The whole concept of a narcoterrorist dot-com really captured the imagination of the NASDAQ dealers...
...It's never been about the money...
Vol. 5 • March 2000 • No. 27
