Parody
Parody Town Meeting Transcript, Columbia, South Carolina, February 13, 2000 so I hope I can count on you on the 19th. (Applause.) Now I’d be honored to take your questions. Audience Member A:...
...You don’t seem to have shown any concern for our old growth forests...
...McCain: That’s a great question and I’m going to give you a straight answer...
...So let me just say I understand the problems you’re talking about and I’m always going to be straight with you...
...McCain: Well ma’am, I don’t like to talk about it, but let me just say that when you’re sitting there in a bamboo cage in a North Vietnamese prison for a few years you get to be pretty intimate with forest products...
...McCain: Hey, it doesn’t take any skill to get shot down...
...Lumberjacking...
...Audience Member C: Sir, South Carolina Republicans are divided about the use of the Confederate symbol that flies over our state capitol...
...So my concern is there, and with your help I’m going to take on the special interests that lead to needless tree felling or whatever it is you call it...
...That’s the kind of president I hope to be...
...And another thing, on Chechnya...
...Audience Member B: Senator, I’m really concerned about urban sprawl and deforestation...
...Saw a lot of my buddies buried under ’em...
...The price of drugs is skyrocketing, and I’m not sure I’ve heard you articulate a detailed plan for taking care of this problem for needy seniors...
...And maybe the next time you have one of your Greenpeace Saturday af ternoon outings chaining yourself to some Redwood somewhere maybe you ought to think about what it’s like being chained to a tree for five and a half years...
...So I hope I can count on your support...
...Your heroism during the Vietnam war was really...
...I don’t like to talk about all that stuff...
...Just go on with your question and let’s talk about the future of our country...
...Audience Member A: Well, actually my question was about prescription drugs...
...Ready to be president on day one...
...Heh, heh, heh...
...So I hope I’ve answered your question...
...Most politicians try to dodge this issue, but I was wondering if you, as the captain of the Straight Talk Express, could give us a straight answer on whether you support the current flag or not...
...I’m always going to tell you the truth, whether you agree with it or not...
...Really conservative...
...Conservative...
...McCain: I’m glad you asked that, because as you were talking it occurred to me that we didn’t have any drugs when I was sitting there at the Hanoi Hilton, prescription or otherwise...
...The kind who’ll always be straight with the American people...
...Taking on the special interests...
...I recall one year while I was in captivity— hate to bring it up, but there were so many who were greater heroes than me—and we in the cell carved American flags into our chests just to spite our North Vietnamese captors...
...Exits...
...That’s a dangerous situation there and we’ve got to have somebody in the White House who’ll stand up to the Russians and tell them to cut it out...
...Thank you very much...
...And if maybe some doctor had prescribed some pain killers I don’t think we’d have gone whining about the cost when we had our shoulder blades sticking out into the air...
...Because I realize how important flags can be...
...Thanks for your question...
...And I have to say, Senator, your environmental record has me troubled...
...Audience Member A: Senator McCain, first I’d like to say it’s a privilege to be able to talk with you this way...
Vol. 5 • February 2000 • No. 21
