Parody
Parody BEATTY 2000 EXPLORATORY COMMITTEE “America Deserves a Percentage of the Gross" To: Mr. Beatty From: Pat Caddell, pollster Warren, recent news reports confirm our worst fears. The threat...
...Your turn will come...
...The DiCaprio boomlet ended when we pointed out he wasn’t old enough...
...Confidentially, her people have told me that “Ms...
...We’re hearing the same thing from the Body Doubles Guild...
...Give her a call...
...Beatty in a variety of positions...
...Our best information says she’ll announce her intentions at a pool party next week at Suzanne Somers’s house...
...Blackwell had also committed to us, but now he says Cybill’s run may seriously cause him to reconsider, especially if, as rumored, she agrees to name Jim Nabors as her running mate...
...Patience, Leo,” I told him...
...A Shepherd candidacy threatens to cut into our national voter base, which already extends from just behind Jack Nicholson’s house on Mulholland Drive into parts of Topanga Canyon...
...Suzanne will be previewing her new diet video, “Binge without Purging,” and Cybill is scheduled to make her remarks right after they serve the arugula-tofu salad but before they bring out the bong...
...As you know, Mr...
...But you may have to get personally involved in forestalling Cybill...
...He perked right up...
...A few quick thoughts...
...The threat of a Cybill Shepherd candidacy is very real...
...You remember her phone number, don’t you...
...We may see erosion among organized labor...
...I think she may be looking for a cabinet appointment, maybe the Supreme Court...
...Her people said, “She is eager to serve under Mr...
...Shepherd would welcome ‘feelers’ from Mr...
...In the past few weeks we were able to fend off other candidacies by rapid response...
...All indications are that it’s a go...
...By the time you’re 35, Warren will be drooling soup in some SAG retirement home...
...Joey, who runs the gaffers union and was primed to endorse us, says he may be forced to fencesit at least through sweeps week...
Vol. 5 • September 1999 • No. 1
