Parody
Parody AOL, EU to Merge By Nigel Peregrine in Dulles, Virginia At a jubilant press conference here, complete with high fives and group hugs, Steve Case of America Online announced that he had...
...Case to move to Rome or Versailles, but in a compromise gesture, Mr...
...Under the terms of the deal, Case will assume the title Holy Roman Emperor, while the current heads of the European member nations will assume such titles as Duke of Germania, Duke of Gaul, and Viscount of Brabant...
...The Europeans are interested in setting up an imperial monarchy...
...Also, under this arrangement, I get to march in royal processions in a very attractive ermine robe...
...The employees at AOL are casual techies who like to wear ripped jeans to the office...
...It's the biggest merger in world history," Case announced, one hand jutting into his vest...
...Many analysts expect a culture clash between the two entities...
...Plus Steve is going to be buried in a huge pyramid, so it's multicultural in that respect...
...The agreement wiH give Europe instant credibility as an Internet player—something k has lacked—whereas the deal moves Case an important step closer to world domination...
...The European leaders said they saw the merger as an opportunity to renounce democratic government and return to the monarchical regimes that had prevailed when Europe was at its greatest...
...They had hoped to persuade Mr...
...Since the European Union, we're democratic in name only," observed Tony Blair...
...The agreement, which was completed well after midnight, following a series of harrowing negotiations, marks the first time that an Internet company has taken over an entire continent...
...Parody AOL, EU to Merge By Nigel Peregrine in Dulles, Virginia At a jubilant press conference here, complete with high fives and group hugs, Steve Case of America Online announced that he had completed merger talks with the European Union...
...Under the agreement, Mr...
...But once we explained the powers and perks that go with absolute monarchies, he warmed up to the offer quite quickly," noted French president Jacques Chirac...
...This move gives us a Third Way between democratic freedom and complete serfdom...
...Case offered to build a new imperial palace for his courtiers in Tysons Corner, Virginia, on a parcel of land just across the street from the Fudd-ruckers restaurant there...
...Ironically, Case was cool to the merger idea when the heads of the European nations first suggested it just a few weeks ago...
...Case will be addressed as Stevus Caseus Augustus, and his power will be assumed to flow directly from God...
Vol. 5 • January 2000 • No. 19
