Casual
Mitty, Jonathan V.
Casual SUIT ME UP I struck out Frank Thomas the other day. He was sitting on an 02 count when I blew a 58 mile-per-hour rocket past him. A little something I like to call my high heater. He never...
...There are other sports simulations at the Gallery, too...
...Truth: I would rather play AAA ball than be a senior editor of the New Yorker...
...The National Sports Gallery is full of memorabilia from legendary players...
...You can touch a bat used by Babe Ruth and admire the last pitched ball from Game 7 of the 1909 World Series where Honus Wagner's mighty Pittsburgh Pirates bested Ty Cobb's Detroit Tigers...
...But it's more than just the groupies...
...Who wants to hose down fires or sit in committee or listen to people with the sniffles...
...I spent years thinking I wanted to be a doctor...
...Or write, for that matter...
...There's one from Mickey Mantle that reads "My First H.R...
...And the actions behind the numbers are even more satisfying...
...Even minor-league baseball players get the good life...
...When you're a ball player, you have tangible numbers to show for your work...
...You get to carry around a .300 batting average or a 2.20 ERA...
...in the MAJORS / May 1, 1951 / 450 FEET / Chicago...
...There is no purer joy in life than sport...
...They know when they're successful and when they're not...
...The movie Any Given Sunday shows the world of pro football to be an orgy of screaming sex and violence, filled with late-night parties and locker-room wars...
...When I was little I had other dumb career aspirations: One week I wanted to be a fireman, the next week I wanted to be a senator...
...For now I'm stuck with the National Sports Gallery and Cyber Hurt, but if there's any call out there for a slow, undersized point guard or a low-velocity, right-handed pitcher without much curve on his curveball, give me a ring...
...I ran from one game to another, squealing like a 6-year-old...
...You think of baseball players and you picture a coked-up Darryl Strawberry, basketball conjures images of thugs like Latrell Sprewell, and football triggers the murderous Rae Carruth...
...But what a simulation...
...Most men have this fixation during their boyhoods, but not me...
...They didn't have, as we say, the love...
...Another has the scraggly printed signature of Shoeless Joe Jackson...
...The only thing keeping me out of the pros is the fact that I've never been much of an athlete...
...Sure, the Mantles and DiMaggios of the world may be gone, but the sports universe is still full of guys like Jordan and Jeter, Manning and Gretzky...
...But why...
...I had the misfortune of being a mediocre talent in a number of different sports—I fell in love with lots of games and excelled at none of them...
...A small room houses a collection of baseballs signed by some of the game's titans...
...Try getting that sort of satisfaction from office work: Hey Bob...
...I'm 7 for 11 on the season with 3 projects batted in...
...It has become clear to me that I want to be a professional athlete...
...I gave a great presentation at the team meeting...
...I'll be on the next bus to Toledo...
...They travel to exotic places, like Jacksonville and Toledo, and have groupies waiting for them at every stop...
...To them, the game is solid, extremely well-paid, blue-collar work...
...Today's athletes have been de-mythologized...
...JONATHAN V. LAST...
...You can take slap-shots at an ice-hockey goalie, play Horse against a pro basketball player, and throw passes against a blitzing zone defense in a football simulator...
...Most athletes spend hours doing homework by watching tapes and studying the game, and besides, many of them have families to get home to...
...Then the computer decides— depending on the speed and placement of the ball and the hitter's particular proclivities—whether it's a ball, strike, or hit...
...You stand on a mound, dig your foot in against the rubber, and throw a baseball at a life-size video image of a hitter...
...It's still a good time to be a jock...
...It wasn't the real Big Hurt, of course, just a computer video simulation at the National Sports Gallery, an exhibit at the MCI Center in downtown Washington...
...They're Donald Kagan's boys...
...Meanwhile, the few people I knew who eventually made it to the pros were fine athletes and generally nice, but they lacked my sophisticated and heartfelt appreciation of sports...
...There's one from a Roger Maras of the Fargo-Moor-head Twins (he changed the spelling of his last name when he made the bigs...
...He never had a chance...
...Workouts, practices, and travel schedules are rigorous...
...Anyone who has ever tracked down a fly ball or spotted up for a three-pointer can attest to the unalloyed pleasure of doing these simple tasks well...
...But maybe more than anything else, the allure of sport lies in the thrill of working with great men...
...They get a life that is clearly defined...
...These were big, heroic men doing big, heroic things...
...But for all of these outliers, I suspect the day-to-day life of most athletes is much more staid...
...They know that work is nine innings, 162 days a year...
...I work cheap...
Vol. 5 • January 2000 • No. 18
