Casual
WALSH, EDMUND
Casual HIGHWAY DIPLOMACY I have an unfortunate prejudice, one that living in the District of Columbia has only heightened: I dislike drivers with diplomatic license plates. Like most biases, mine...
...Like most biases, mine is general, not specific...
...Sometimes, though, I wish the State Department would just consolidate my prejudices by supplying foreign officials with Jersey plates...
...I doubt it...
...As I made my way around in my high-mileage, hand-me-down domestic sedan, I tried to be grateful for my own good fortune...
...The phrase "American hegemony" was uttered with a contempt usually reserved for fascist dictators...
...In the midst of this American guilt-fest was a clutch of foreign students affiliated with embassies, globetrotting kids looking to make the most of their time in the United States...
...It seems to consist of a tiny bit of experience, a good deal of extrapolation, and an early habit of discriminating on the basis of license plate...
...policy in the Middle East when I was a high-school sophomore...
...Now, when I see diplomatic tags on a car, I expect the driver to disregard American traffic laws and customs...
...I suppose the same could be true of just about anyone, especially in downtown Washington...
...But I was raised to judge drivers by their plates...
...I've never uttered Auslander aus under my breath, and I don't want to close America's borders for 1 fear of a tidal wave of immigration...
...The relationship was symbiotic...
...My theory gradually took shape: These kids were the children of elites in their own countries and maybe felt no obligation to follow the rules...
...Add to this the fact that our laws protect foreign dignitaries from prosecution, and these students had little motivation to respect our rules...
...the students got to enjoy America's higher education system, and the college enrolled students who, I imagine, required little in the way of financial aid...
...So why the diplomatic phobia...
...But when I see a car tooling around Washington outfitted with the red, white, and blue plates the State Department issues to foreign dignitaries, my mind readies unkind words to hurl at the windshield as I wait for the offender to offend me...
...I came to college in Washington, D.C., and for four years was taught the benefits of multiculturalism...
...I spent my formative years around Philadelphia, where to be called a "Jersey driver" is one step short of seeing a middle finger raised in your honor...
...I have nothing against any particular person displaying the offensive tags—I don't even know one...
...New Jersey, land of no left turns, is home to hordes of people who work or shop in Philadelphia and pack Pennsylvania's roads...
...I can't explain it, except to say that New Jersey is somehow an affront to Pennsylvania—or at least the southeast corner of it...
...But given my upbringing, can I change...
...Even in the United States, the children of famous, powerful, or wealthy parents often live outside the boundaries other kids face...
...In my limited travels abroad, I've liked most of the foreign people I've met— except a few waiters in Paris...
...Folks from Delaware don't endure the same level of criticism...
...Just to be clear, I'm not gripped by a Buchananite antipathy for foreigners...
...But driving past the ever-present row of brilliant new 3-series sedans and coupes, I lamented my plight...
...On a predominantly white and middle-class campus, this was supposed to be a mind-opening curriculum...
...My parents aren't to blame so much as geography...
...As the students, all roughly my own age, stood near their prizes chain-smoking and chattering on their cell phones, I quietly seethed...
...And, true to my multicultural education, I feel bad about it...
...Sure, I suffered some envy...
...This creates confusion, congestion, and innumerable near accidents...
...It's a fact that I tend to expect the worst from the foreign driver in the German car ahead...
...While a Pennsylvania driver is allowed an occasional error, a Garden State license plate is as good as a "kick me" sign on I-95...
...EDMUND WALSH...
...I even got along with the Palestinian student I knew in Ireland who held me responsible for U.S...
...So I plead guilty to rolling my eyes when a car with diplomatic plates pulls in front of me...
...Or so the theory goes...
...And ours is a more egalitarian society than many of theirs...
...As proof, most of these kids drove German cars...
...Beyond petty jealousy, I was annoyed every time I saw one of those cars parked illegally, or one of the owners blasting obnoxious music from the premier sound system and speeding on or off campus...
...My school trumpeted the many students it welcomed from abroad, the many students it sent abroad, and its numerous courses with an international slant...
...Invariably, people from New Jersey are jittery, bumbling morons who don't know how to drive, or choose to drive too slowly, or pay no attention to the drivers around them...
Vol. 5 • December 1999 • No. 12
