Stars and Stripes Forever
Slatter, Ian
Casual Stars and Stripes Forever I’d like to make plain at the outset that, though British by birth and upbringing, I’m avidly proAmerican. And you’ll have to concede I have the bona fides...
...They’d even provided me a list of “cultural warnings”: Use first names only for people who are your age or younger...
...Not that I was fazed...
...I came through a student exchange program to work at a YMCA summer camp in Ohio...
...The answers are, respectively, No, not all people in England have personally met the queen, and, Only if you’re a member of a union...
...and “Do you have burgers...
...But the adults did surprise me...
...She made clear early on that, wherever the next few years might take us, a future together will eventually mean a future in her native Indiana...
...Do you have cars...
...I’m working hard at my Americanization...
...Several of us foreigners— some Australians and New Zealanders and I—were brought on as counselors to broaden the kids’ experience...
...On reflection, by American standards, I do live “near” Paris...
...America is a great country and one that I’m willing to believe the majority of citizens could actually find on a map...
...I’ve been known to expand my repertoire to include South African, Australian, Canadian, Irish, Scottish, and of course Maltese...
...That geography alert, especially, turned out to be a decided understatement...
...A question I’ve been asked more than once is, “What language do you speak in England...
...I sometimes give in to the temptation to answer, American...
...Which entitles me, I hope, to offer these recollections, more in fondness than dismay...
...Use of nicknames is common: An American may be Al, but he won’t be Algernon...
...It was a great idea...
...I spent my days and nights answering all kinds of questions about my homeland...
...The questions asked most often have to do with the monarchy and the supposedly universal custom of stopping work for afternoon tea...
...My sponsoring agency had prepped me for the experience of being a foreigner on these shores...
...Britain would fit neatly inside Nebraska...
...They date from my first trip to the Land of Opportunity six years ago, when I was 22...
...Americans are jealous of their personal space and big fans of deodorant...
...This has involved mastering the National Anthem, becoming a Bears fan, dreaming of owning a Ford truck— and, of course, trading in “God Save the Queen” for “God Bless America...
...Finally, this slightly mysterious tip: Be prepared for the fact that the average American is not very geographically aware...
...Despite encounters like these, I enjoy speaking to Americans about Britain, especially when I get the chance to dispel myths, such as the assumption that the entire country amounts to a quaint village beside a castle on a hill...
...And you’ll have to concede I have the bona fides to prove it: an American wife...
...About the size of the United States,” was the reply...
...Which was true enough...
...Americans like to think big...
...Though I wouldn’t necessarily want to put that notion to the test...
...I suspect there was some confusion with Australia...
...Let’s face it, knowing where Britain is falls just short of being a life-and-death issue...
...So my attachment to this country must be understood to extend beyond the superficial...
...I didn’t think they’d know anything about England, and I wasn’t disappointed...
...You talk weird,” in short, was the campers’ general verdict...
...Of course, I never expected much from schoolkids...
...Along with the cultural warnings, the agency admonished: There’s nothing quite like the real thing...
...I wasn’t able to figure which Fourth World country the kids were confusing Britain with...
...Now that it looks like I shall be spending the rest of my life in the colonies, I find I have some boning up of my own to do...
...A variation on the language question is, “How many languages do you speak...
...What interested many of them even more was hearing me pronounce multitudes of words in my “funny accent...
...From my collection of howlers, some precious examples: “England—isn’t that near New Zealand...
...Some examples: “Do you have TVs and VCRs...
...Besides, some Americans can locate Britain, and can do it with the greatest of ease—among them my Midwestern bride...
...I asked one college student how big she thought Britain was...
...If you ask for help you’ll get it, but make sure you ask...
...One girl responded, “So you live near Paris...
...When I try that with a group of college students, there’s usually one who doesn’t catch my drift...
...I should point out that although I’ve been taken aback by Americans’ lack of knowledge, I’m quite forgiving...
...When asked about where I’m from, I sometimes say about 40 miles east of the capital...
...Ian Slatter...
Vol. 4 • May 1999 • No. 32
