PARODY
Parody Lewinsky complained that she was banished to the Pentagon while other women who had relationships with Clinton got to stay on in White House jobs. She told Marsha Scott of the White House...
...But with your help I am confident that we can keep the traffic on the Happy Highway flowing smoothly and efficiently...
...Nonetheless, if you give us a running count, Ira will be able to tease some meaningful statistics out of the raw data...
...In order to guarantee that future promotions will be based on merit, rather than, say, family contacts with prominent Democratic politicians, we are hoping to calibrate the enthusiasm of each Presidential request...
...This will go a long way to enhance the smooth operation of our administration...
...In order to keep our bases covered, we would like to work out a schedule with the Easter Honeys so that while one has Oval Duty, another can slide in and take over her responsibilities...
...Do not rely on sampling techniques...
...1. Sex Toy Census...
...I understand that because of high turnover, the number of POTUS Playmates fluctuates daily...
...Obviously, this is a big job...
...She told Marsha Scott of the White House personnel office: "I never had an affair with the president, but all the others who have get to stay...
...Did the POTUS look flushed and joyful...
...Please count heads...
...On Sunday mornings especially, phones are not being answered and memos are not being filed...
...We are hoping to develop an evaluation system that will fairly reward faithful public servants with White House postings, while allowing others to start afresh in places like the National Security Agency...
...To help Ira in this task I am asking all department heads to undertake the following tasks...
...Many of you were solicited personally by the President to take on the young women in question...
...Was he reinvigorated to get back to the important work the American people elected him to do...
...2. Bimbo Rotation...
...3. Personnel Files...
...In order to regularize and organize our procedures, I am establishing a special department of Bimbo Outplacement, which will be directed by Ira Magaziner...
...So that we might get a handle on the size of the problem, please calculate the number of presidential sex associates working in your department...
...Washington Post The White House Memo From: Marsha Scott Deputy Personnel Director To: All Department Heads We have been receiving increasing complaints from the President's rug bunnies about the jobs they are being offered during and after their affairs with the Big He...
...In times of high bimbo demand, as many of you have noted, entire offices in the White House are unmanned...
...Up until this point in time, we have been dealing with presidential mistresses in a haphazard fashion...
Vol. 4 • September 1998 • No. 1
