PARODY
Parody The Father's Part TRUST YOURSELF l You know more than you think you do. Soon you're going to have a teenage son. You're happy and excited, but you haven't had much experience. You wonder...
...He's barking up the wrong tree...
...You've had a child together...
...You ll be able to enjoy many things together: old National Geographlcs, favorite Web sites,Baywatch tapes...
...Trust your common sense...
...You've already gotten yourself off to a good start by ignoring your son for the first 13 years of his life...
...In a couple of years, you ll find that the mentality of a 15-year-old teenage boy is eerily similar to your own...
...Above all, be yourself...
...When your son comes to you looking for these qualities, tell him to forget about it...
...On the other hand, don't neglect him much longer...
...You wonder if you can do a good job...
...For example, when your son's mother comes over for a visit, don't let her get away with charging you her full rate...
...You want to treat him well, but you don't want any other illegitimate children you've strewn across Arkansas and the key primary states showing up at the White House expecting to be taken in...
...In other words, if you act naturally around your boy, you'll be able to get even more pleasure out of him than you did out of his mother...
...And if for some reason you don't, you can always send him away...
...Too much early parental attention can cause a child to lack the insatiable hunger for approval that leads to a successful career in politics...
...make her give you a discount...
...Above all, don't worry too much...
...Every son is looking for the same things from his tather: someone he can trust, someone he can rely on, someone who will stick with him through thick and thin...
...You want to raise him to be a fine young man, but you don t want him competing with you for girlfriends...
...Too many fathers start bonding with their children even before incontrovertible evidence comes back from the DNA lab...
...Don't take too seriously what all the "experts" say...
...It depends how you define the word"son...
Vol. 4 • January 1999 • No. 17
