PARODY
Parody ANN LANDERS GOOD MANNERS FOR WAR AND PEACE Dear Ann, I'm thinking of incinerating 10,000 or so Muslims, but my wife says it would be rude to bum them to a crisp on their religious...
...He's so witty and geni^ even his opponents like him, or at least they did back in 1983, last time I was paying attention Dear Ann, I am president of a large superpower...
...Do you know any young people...
...Is this something I need to worry about...
...Sally in Georgetown Dear Sally, There's that charming young whippersnap-per Barney Frank...
...Is there a way I can support our military troops without supporting their commander in chief...
...For example, if you start killing people before the special day begins, then they're sort of used to it when the holy period starts and don't mind so much...
...1 say she is just blowing smoke...
...Sincerely, Upset in the Oval Dear Upset, Most people are put out when they are roasted on one of their special days, whether k's a birthday, anniversary, or religious holiday...
...Dear Ann, I'm having trouble controlling my anger...
...Parody ANN LANDERS GOOD MANNERS FOR WAR AND PEACE Dear Ann, I'm thinking of incinerating 10,000 or so Muslims, but my wife says it would be rude to bum them to a crisp on their religious holiday...
...Would you like a private tour of the White House...
...There's this president I know who just drives me crazy every time he launches a military action...
...Ann, have I ever told you how much I love the way your hair flows down your shoulders...
...You don't want to support any of the troops so close to the commander in chief that your support wiU accidentally rub off on him...
...Giving in to My Shame in D.C...
...But if you are open and honest with them, there are ways to smooth their singed feathers...
...I just launched a bombing campaign against an enemy regime, but we mostly seem to be hitting empty buildings...
...I may have to start a sex scandal to distract from the war I launched to distract from a sex scandal...
...My rule is to supp°rt aU of the privates, and all of the sergeants, and some of the captains, but I definitely wouldn't support anybody above the rank of colond...
...Sincerely, Trent in Turmoil Dear Trent, Yes, but you have to be careful...
...Plus their families know how much food to prepare for the holiday dinners...
...Dear Ann, Most of my sources are octogenarians, and s° my pieces for the Style section tend to be fusty and out of date...
Vol. 4 • December 1998 • No. 15
