PARODY

Parody If... If you can keep your head when all about you Are giving it, and blaming it on you, If you can trust your injured wife to tout you, And yank your daughter back from college...

...If you can hate, yet earn more love for hating, Or being hunted, leak the hunter's files, And having mated, damn the foe for mating While whimpering in anguish at his wiles...
...If you can keep your head when all about you Are giving it, and blaming it on you, If you can trust your injured wife to tout you, And yank your daughter back from college too...
...And seldom lay but that you also lie...
...If you can turn your back on a casino, And by so doing, half a million win If, by spurning Vegas, you can count on Reno (No Babbitt gambles—where the fix is in...
...The chances are you'll earn acquittal...
...Way too late, my lad...
...If you can shed both Foster and McLarty (Yet both send tardy notes for your excuse), If you can faze an all-forgiving party With 60 Minutes worth of rank abuse, If midterm balloting is non-committal And Zogby polls aren't changing for the bad: Cheer up...
...But as for manhood...
...If you can dream—and then make dreams your mistress...
...If one or two undemocratic nations Can buy your country's secrets for a song, Yet Fourth and Fifth Amendment peroration Will prove that two rights sometime make a Huang...
...If no defect of character can hurt you If you can listen calmly while your sins Are fervidly construed as civic virtue By pudgy congressmen with sticky chins...
...with apologies to Rudyard Kipling...
...If you can think—"This buxom aide and I Might dally midst the West Wing aspidistras...

Vol. 4 • December 1998 • No. 14


 
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