Parody
White House Explains Document Delays By STEPHEN LABATON WASHINGTON, Oct. 17 — After months of delays and evasions, the White House today pro-diiced its first credible explanation of why it has...
...In 1995, spokesman Michael McCurry said, the entire White House filing sysstem was reorganized by a task force headed by Hillary Rodham Clinton and Ira Magaziner...
...Furthermore, despite the best efforts of Mrs...
...For example, the files of Justice Departed investigators are in shambles...
...Meanwhile, White House attorney Lanny Breuer, age 4 has been unable to find the nose on his face...
...Clinton, the Rose law firm files keep reappearing...
...Selection committees were set up to match file seekers with actual files...
...Clinton envisioned...
...McCurry, the system is not yet working as perfectly as Mr...
...According to Mr...
...If they are not continually refiled, they are in danger of being found...
...McCurry furContinued on Page D9...
...Mag-aziner's head...
...Magaziner and Mrs...
...The president reports that he cannot find his favorite video—"The Sit-Coms of Markie Post"—and has been stuck in his private quarters with nothing to watch but a four-minute loop called "James Riady Sent Me...
...Under the system they instituted all White House filing cabinets were taken from their originagl offices and merged into 37 fihng cabinet "Alliances...
...17 — After months of delays and evasions, the White House today pro-diiced its first credible explanation of why it has been unable to respond in a timely fashion to thtee document requests of Senate investigators...
...Each Alliance is divided into 216 "Paperwork Provider Networks," and each member of the White House staff was given a laminated "Paperwork Access Card...
...Wrtli the cards, staff members have free access to files, but they are not able to choose which files they will retrieve...
...These c°mmittees are guided by a 1,200-step criteria system stored in Mr...
...The crayon drawings are still mixed in with the fingerpaintings and the "Dear Santa" letters...
Vol. 3 • October 1997 • No. 7
