PARODY
White House aide Sidney Blumenthal and first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton were eager to take the offensive against Kenneth Starr. Blumenthal faxed in his suggestions from a European...
...Let the American people get to know her as a person...
...Cut “God...
...5. “I had real and serious concerns about an independent counsel investigation that began with private business dealings 20 years ago . . .” I think you want to get the phrase “friggin’ psychopath religious fanatic” in here somewhere, unless you think it would leave the wrong impression...
...No offense...
...A good stab, and I know you guys are rushed, but that’s three...
...A few tweaks: 1. Where you call Kenneth Starr the “independent counsel” . . . Wouldn’t it be more catchy—not to mention more honest!—to call him a “lowdown, fascist religious fanatic fool...
...Could be a real applause line...
...I mean, she’s been around the block a few times, huh...
...Too strong...
...Just a suggestion...
...Okay, I see what you’re driving at here...
...A really stirring piece of writing...
...Love it...
...Plays into their hands...
...2. Where you say “I deeply regret that”—kill it...
...I mean, you know these people, right, Mr...
...More catchy—not to mention more openminded!— would be to say, “I regret if what I did provoked priapic jealousy among certain prudish religious fanatics in the boondocks...
...President...
...Ciao bene...
...But maybe it’d be more catchy—and, again, more honest!—if you replaced this with, “Up yours...
...You grew up among them...
...3. In paragraph two, right before you say Monica Lewinsky, add the words “well-experienced...
...4. “Now this matter is between me, the two people I love most, my wife and our daughter, and our God...
...Come live with me and be my love...
...Otherwise, great...
...Washington Post, August 19, 1998 Hotel Cicciolina, Portofino luned...
...Our attitude here should be the attitude of the American people: Carpe diem...
...Had we but world enough and time...
...Blumenthal faxed in his suggestions from a European vacation...
...Italian for Monday) il 17 agosto 1998 Dear Hillary & Bill, Excellent speech...
...6. “This has gone on too long, cost too much, and hurt too many innocent people...
Vol. 3 • August 1998 • No. 48
