PARODY
Forty Beanie Babies purchased by U.S. trade representative Charlene Barshefsky while accompanying President Clinton on his recent trip to China are being held by the U.S. Customs Service on the...
...July 14...
...News item Beaniegate The Scandal So Far July 8. U.S...
...Before Barshefsky visit, only 27 percent of Chinese Beanie Babies were cute...
...The president is going to claim you already have too many Beanie Babies...
...July 10...
...Ken Starr broadens his investigation, and hires 600 new lawyers...
...Suzie Barshefsky releases talking points she says her mother gave her...
...She promised to buy me Batty, Sly, and Bongo...
...Drudge reports food fights at Newsweek cafeteria over whether to publish initial Beaniegate story...
...July 11...
...Charlene Barshefsky turns over 40 Beanie Babies to U.S...
...Wylie counsels Suzie to begin taping her mother ’s bedtime stories and other comments...
...I already have two Hoppities,” Suzie weeps...
...Suzie Barshefsky poses for photos in Highlights...
...Barshefsky appears at White House press conference flanked by Bruce Lindsey and Rahm Emanuel...
...Betty Currie testifies that Barshefsky secretly returned 43 Beanie Babies, kept in a box in the documents room...
...Supreme Court clerks forced to cancel their vacation plans...
...name recognition up to 0.06 percent...
...It’s bad enough I have to hear her talk about trade policy over breakfast...
...Customs Service on the grounds that they were improperly imported into the United States...
...White House dispatches private detective Jack Palladino to China to intimidate 1 billion potential witnesses, squelching socalled Beanie Eruptions...
...You don’t want to contradict him, do you...
...Boyden Gray sniffs on Crossfire, “In the Bush White House, we restricted ourselves to Cabbage Patch Kids...
...I know she’s my mother, but I’ve seen the White House oppo team in action,” Suzie later explains to Larry King...
...July 8. Suzie Barshefsky, aged 7, places a tearful call to New York literary agent Andrew Wylie...
...July 17...
...July 20...
...Bob Barr calls for removal of all toys from U.S...
...A Beanie Baby falls out of his pocket...
...July 16...
...trade representative Charlene Barshefsky sneaks away from delegation during Clinton China trip to purchase 40 Beanie Babies...
...territory...
...Vows to issue report on Beaniegate on June 13, 2037, or when he finds out what a Beanie Baby is, whichever is later...
...All she got me was stuff like Hoppity, Quackers, and Squeeler...
...Barshefsky approval ratings hit record high for trade rep...
...Newt Gingrich quashes congressional investigation amidst rumors that he has his own Beanie problem...
...After visit, 95 percent of new Beanie Babies are cute...
...Bombshell report by Bill Gertz in Washington Times...
...Michael Isikoff is hired as on-air commentator by Nickelodeon...
...Listen to me, I never had any relationship with those Beanie Babies,” she declares, wagging finger...
...At public event, Secret Service agent reaches for cell phone...
...July 13...
...Claims Barshefsky was carrying secret Beanie Baby Technology with her to China...
Vol. 3 • July 1998 • No. 44
