CASUAL
BROOKS, DAVID
Casual DISNEY WHIRLED My family and I just got back ^om Disney World, and we had so much fun I was never once tempted to commit cultural commentary. But the guidebook I read beforehand was so odd...
...But the guidebook I read beforehand was so odd I can't help it...
...Here's a sample of a Magic Kingdom touring plan: Proceed through the turnstiles and have one person go to City Hall for a guidemap...
...Its central message is that going to Orlando is a bit like going to Bataan for the Death March...
...Leave Tomorrowland via the central hub and enter Liberty Square...
...Starting at The Plaza Pavilion entrance will give you a 50 yard advantage over anyone coming from the central hub...
...I've just saved you 741 pages...
...Exit Alien Encounter, turn left and hurry to Space Mountain...
...That's usually 7:40 A.M., which means getting the kids up for breakfast just after 6. Finally, follow Sehlinger's itineraries...
...On big days, the book suggests arriving at the park an hour and 20 minutes before opening...
...Sehlinger suggests that you first get inside the mind of the crowd...
...The woman goes on to report that she and her family couldn't get lunch because the restaurants were all full...
...He is particularly exercised by crowds...
...You must also discover which attractions are "interval loaders" (like Space Mountain) and which are "continuous loaders" (like the Haunted House...
...For example, the book quotes a mother visiting from Dayton, Ohio, with her 5-year-old: "The first day we went to [the Magic Kingdom] and it was packed...
...You must break down the "cycle time" of each ride into "ride time" and "load time...
...At the end, we were so liO.'d and uncomfortable that we weren't having any fun...
...To help his readers bypass or survive these and other horrors, Sehlinger has packed his 742-page tome with strategies and advice...
...She was suffering from "excessive itinerary" and had to be sedated...
...Early in the book there is a letter from a woman who ended up in a hospital emergency room because she tried to follow Sehlinger's touring plans...
...Regroup and move quickly down Main Street to the central hub...
...There are over 2.5 million copies of The Unofficial Guide to Walt Disney World in print (published by MacMillan...
...Exit Pirates [of the Caribbean] to the left and proceed to the Frontierland railroad station...
...Kristy cried about going on anything that looked or even sounded scary and was frightened by all the Disney characters (they are so big) except Minnie and Snow White...
...Kristy insisted on being carried and we had 50 fights about not going on rides where the lines were too long...
...The author of the guidebook, Bob Sehlinger, then adds, "Before you stiffen in denial, let me assure you that the Ohio's family's experience is fairly typical" for people with kids...
...They grew hot and tired...
...By 11 in the morning we had walked so far and stood in so many lines that we were all exhausted...
...She began to shake and quiver...
...What's more, even if you can endure the long waits for rides, the book suggests, your misery may be just beginning...
...This requires an assessment of each attraction's "per-ride capacity...
...One has a kid vomiting out of fear...
...Second, go early in the morning and then again in the evening, and spend the hot middle of the day swimming at your hotel...
...When the rope barrier is dropped at opening time, jog through The Plaza Pavilion and on to Alien Encounter...
...Third, don't bother trying to visit the new Animal Kingdom, because you can't see any animals there...
...Experience Alien Encounter...
...Quickly tour the Fair, exiting via walkway to Tomorrowland...
...Ride...
...There are few lines, so most of the detailed advice becomes extraneous...
...Another rule to remember is, arrive early...
...I quickly found you can boil it down into three points...
...So it was in my interest to glean any wisdom I could from the Unofficial Guide...
...He and his team of researchers have conducted rigorous scientific experiments to maximize your attraction-per-hour productivity, and if you follow the recommended routes, he says, you will be up to 40 percent more efficient than if you just walked around the park following your whims...
...Ride the train to Mickey's Toontown Fair...
...David Brooks...
...Another has kids sobbing uncontrollably...
...Then you must estimate line speed...
...Unfortunately, I can't totally dismiss it, because in my family I'm the one who wants to cram as much as possible into vacation days (my wife has this odd taste for relaxation...
...Sehlinger approaches lines with the sort of grim obsessiveness that Captain Ahab brought to his confrontation with the big white whale...
...Sehlinger prints several accounts of the Magic Kingdom ride called Alien Encounter...
...First, take the kids out of school and go to Disney World off season...
...I'm sure most readers have the same response I did to Sehlinger's book: It's crazy...
Vol. 3 • July 1998 • No. 42
