Parody
"President Clinton's advisory panel on race held a hearing today on how to achieve diversity on college campuses but chose not to solicit the views of opponents of affirmative action. The chairman...
...But the pain of slavery will be mitigated when all members of all diverse groups of appropriately diverse pigmentation, as well as women, are given preferences at Berkeley and Harvard, regardless of their individual test scores, effort, or actual disadvantaged background...
...But he has proven himself to be a very loyal, supportive, and therefore diverse person...
...As I have said several times at our earlier sessions, diversity is a black-white issue...
...Therefore I have drawn up a list of guidelines for the diverse testimony each of you will deliver...
...At this point the witness will proceed with a 4 (four) minute homage to the importance of the committee's commitment to the cause of diversity...
...But we won't have a Chinaman's chance of breaking through the media static if we don't coordinate our remarks beforehand...
...Kean and were somewhat wary...
...1. Each of you will begin your testimony with 6 (six) minutes of diversely fulsome praise for the Chairman...
...Many of us had never met a Republican before Mr...
...This praise will include, but need not be limited to, the extraordinary work that I have done as a historian and the tremendous moral courage I have demonstrated as a leader in the civil rights crusade...
...3. As you know, the enemies of diversity have introduced jarring voices into the debate by talking about Asian Americans, Hispanic Americans, Native Americans, and other ethnic groups...
...I look forward to your testimony...
...New York Times, November 20 One America MEMO November 24, 1997 To: All Witnesses Appearing Before the President's Race Commission From: John Hope Franklin, Chairman Subject: How To Be Diverse As you know, next week's Town Meeting in Akron can be a historic moment in the struggle for diversity in America...
...There will be no mention of these groups in your testimony...
...Anyone who is off the reservation will have his testimony cut off and expunged from the record...
...The chairman of the panel, John Hope Franklin, the historian, said only supporters of affirmative action were invited to speak at the daylong session because he wanted to hear only from those who saw the value of having a diverse student body...
...2. I will nod when the period of diverse praise has come to an end...
...These guidelines are MANDATORY...
...Do not stint...
...As a concluding thought, witnesses will recite the following: "The evil legacy of slavery will never be undone...
...We don't want the purity of the diversity debate muddied by a rainbow of muddled voices...
...Finally, if any of you have any questions, you may ask our house Republican, Tom Kean...
Vol. 3 • December 1997 • No. 12
