Parody
~.Kjng .Clinton II Act 2, Scene 1 Russell, Kansas. Election night. Enter Dole of Gaunt, defeated, with Kemp of York [Attendants, Consultants, Pollsters, Soccer Moms, et al.] Dole of Gaunt. Will...
...No, it is stopped with other flattering sounds, As praises, of whose taste the Dems are fond, Lascivious meters, to whose venomous sound The open ear of youth doth always listen...
...to Attendant Feulner] Sirrah...
...Ring of phone...
...Feulner...
...How is't with Gaunt Old Dole...
...I'm working on it...
...Just did...
...Where words are scarce, they are seldom spent in vain...
...Particularly the way this guy eats...
...For they breathe truth that breathe their words in pain...
...TelePrompTer™ restored...
...Speaking of health care, I don't like bureaucracy Bureaucracy and government...
...Mark who...
...I deserved this . . . Kemp of York...
...The king is called...
...O, but they say the tongues of beaten pols Enforce attention like deep harmony...
...Feulner...
...deal mildly with his youth, For young hot colts being raged do tax the more...
...The man's a slob...
...In Italy...
...TelePrompTer™ restored anew...
...Though his stuff is best for really partisan events . . . Exeunt omnes hurriedly, followed by Kenneth Starr...
...Fix the TelePrompTer™ quick...
...What comfort, man...
...Will Clinton call, that I may breathe my last In wholesome counsel to his unstaid youth...
...I served a long time...
...Vex not yourself, nor strive with your breath, For all in vain comes counsel to his ear...
...Do you have his card...
...Sorry...
...Hurt my arm...
...Though Clinton my life's counsel would not hear, My loss's sad tale may yet undeaf his ear...
...O how that name befits my composition...
...He tires betimes that spurs too fast betimes...
...Fine-lookin' nurses, though...
...Feulner...
...That's why I hired Mark Helprin...
...I had pain once...
...With eager feeding food doth choke the feeder...
...Not me...
...Wake up, America...
...Don't like to brag about it...
...You know, like me with Jude Wanniski...
...Old Gaunt indeed, and gaunt in being old...
...This blessed plot, this earth, this realm, this Kansas, This nurse, this teeming womb of royal kings —I'm talkin' me and Arlen Specter, both born right here in Russell— Esteemed by their breed, and humble by their birth, Renowned for their deeds as far from home, For Christian service and true chivalry, I carried a lot of water for Ralph Reed and those guys, and look where it got me...
...Yeah, sure...
...Can old men play so nicely with their names...
Vol. 2 • November 1996 • No. 9
