Parody
July 22, 1997 Dear Colleagiie., b I know you are coiicarKd Eibom the events of the last two weeks. • • ^ I've made two mistakes. . . . attended two meetings among Leaders where, based on reports...
...You have seen several versions of the story in press reports that I and some of my friends from Shipping did cartwheels through the streets, drunk and naked, with lampshades on our heads and prostitutes on our arms...
...The resctiori by Lindsey Graham frankly surpnsed me, and I began digging to fuid out why he and others began to call me a liar...
...I belieVed that no Member of I_eader-ship was involved...
...I would like to get this ugly episode behind us and set the record straight...
...When I fell down, vandalized the barroom, began to sing "The Wild Irish Rover," and threw up, my reaction frankly surprised me...
...attended two meetings among Leaders where, based on reports of an uprising, we engaged in "whatif" scenarios...
...Dick Armey House Majority Leader Dear Wife, I know you are concerned about the events of the last two weeks...
...Sincerely, Dick Blarney Your Husband...
...One, when I asked the bartender to pour me eighteen shots of grain alcohol, I assumed that he'd take "grain alcohol" in its metaphorical sense, to mean "Diet Coke...
...Knowing what I know now, I realize the situation could have been handled differently...
...I apologize for my initial belief...
...With their lampshades on and their clothes off, they didn't look like the guys from Shipping, so I began digging to find out why the guys from Sales called you and told you I was a liar...
...What if we did cartwheels through the streets, drunk and naked, with lampshades on our heads and prostitutes on our arms...
...At that point, I engaged in a "what if" scenario...
...I said, "Hey, guys...
...At no time did I think we would actually do it...
...I apologize for my initial belief...
...But when I said there were no other guys from Shipping involved, I was acting under a sincere mis-impression...
...When I went before the Conference about the article in The Hill last Wednesday 1 spoke what I believed to be the truth...
Vol. 2 • August 1997 • No. 46
