Techno-guru
TECHNQ-GURU Wherever I have worked for the past decade, I have been the office techno-weenie—the guy to whom co-workers turn for help with their computers (and printers and fax machines and, most...
...It makes far more sense to call a real person on the phone or turn to the shaman of our age— the office techno-weenie...
...I shared a room with my big brother who became a hot-shot electrical engineer...
...Like all shamans, he depends on tricks (turning a computer off and then on again cures 90 percent of all ills) and the abiding belief of grateful colleagues that he has magical powers...
...Microsoft Word, for instance, which may be the most prevalent piece of software in American offices, will occasionally, under a very special set of circumstances, present the writer with a box that contains a choice which looks innocent but is fraught with peril: "Do you want to revert to the saved version of your story...
...TECHNQ-GURU Wherever I have worked for the past decade, I have been the office techno-weenie—the guy to whom co-workers turn for help with their computers (and printers and fax machines and, most recently, voice-mail...
...When I later went to college, he generously offered me the inventory, which he must have stored in an alphabetical file...
...Engineers are people who, when they write reports, finish every chapter with a page that says—self-contradictorily— "This Page Deliberately Left Blank...
...Now it's true that these days computers and software aren't released straight from the engineers to the general public...
...For the next four years, he used that same inventory to make sure he never forgot to bring anything home for the summer...
...His side was order, mine chaos...
...From an engineer, this was a love offering, but I was unappreciative...
...Indeed, pressing yes in this case will irretrievably erase everything you've written in the previous hour or so...
...Most people get trapped like a deer in the headlights when they face this choice, though, because they deeply, deeply want to say yes...
...I didn't just share a room with my brother, though, I also shared a closet, which had a string hanging down from the precise middle...
...This is because I understand the minds of the people who build computers and write software...
...After all, pressing the help button merely calls forth an explanation written by the same people who wrote the incomprehensible warning box, and why would you want to ask for directions from the person who just got you lost...
...Before doing anything else, you must click either yes, no, or help...
...When he packed for college, my brother spent what seemed like at least a week inventorying every item on a yellow legal pad, down to the last sock...
...It's clear which of us you would want to hire to debug software...
...The engineer's mind is hard to define but it can be described in action, and what it reduces to is this: His side of the room was neat, mine was a mess...
...The correct answer, as the connoisseur of engineer-think will discern, is always no...
...There are experts on the "human interface" who take what the engineers have wrought and refine it for mass consumption...
...And contrary to what unhappy software companies with flooded switchboards might like to think, this is neither stupidity nor laziness on the part of the consumer...
...Still, there are moments when this "interface" fails and knowing the mind of the engineer is of incalculable benefit...
...RlCHARD STARR...
...And there was the top of the dresser, which didn't need to have a line drawn down the middle since my half was dusty and overflowing with fossils, dead insects, and the other detritus of an active boyhood Casual and his half was . . . deliberately left blank...
...I just dumped everything I owned into a dozen boxes and stuffed them in the car...
...And more often than not—with a bit of trial and a lot of error—I can make unruly computers behave...
...On the other hand no one, but no one, presses the help button...
...I understand them because of early-childhood imprinting...
...I have no training, but I'll pretend to be an expert about anything...
...Unfortunately, the engineer's love of order can lead to products that follow a set of rules, yes, but not rules that can be readily comprehended by the non-expert...
...it asks...
...I do...
...Revert means to go back to something old, and is therefore bad, since engineers believe in progress...
Vol. 2 • June 1997 • No. 40
