Parody
Several incidents described in Robert Reich's book, Locked in the Cabinet, were distorted beyond recognition, according to Jonathan Rauch in Slate. Reich defended himself by saying the book was a...
...In brief, Confederate forces routed the 20th Maine under Joshua Chamberlain, who fell back until they met me coming up theohuitlhl.eWrnequickly formed what has become known as the Reich Line and beat back the southernh ers...
...Eastern on Larry King Live...
...Wtort happened next is too wel1 known to describe again at great length...
...He was known as "Honest Abe," I was known as "H°nest B°b...
...Now I learn the Army of Northern Virginia has crossed into Pennsylvania and is confronting our troops in Gettysburg...
...to "You are our greatest military mind," the general exclaimed...
...Pickett will charge here and tare/' I said with what in retto-spect looks like amazing prescience, "and then the visitor's center and diorama of the battle will be constructed back there, with free shuttle service to the Eisenhower esztainteg, and then Ted Turner will make a very long movie about the battle cruelly minimizing my role...
...Lincoln always came to me in times of trouble, as we had so much in c°mm°n...
...I may have gotten a few of the minor details vrama" I replied...
...k I arrived at the battlefield early the next morning...
...Nice nipple...
...tall...
...h Abe and I have always differed on what was said next Lincoln later claimed tim hd said, "Go to hell, you self-aggrandizing twerp," but according to my notes he pleaded with me to go straight to Gettysburg and take over command of the Umcm forces...
...He thinks every°ne is shooting at him, an aide informed me...
...td1, I was weH over 6 ft...
...Next I surveyed the field...
...A runner had just arrived from Washington with an importanrtiningvitthae-tion for that evening...
...He was born in a log cabin, I was born in a log cabin...
...President...
...Four score and seven years ago," I muttered, preparing the address I would deliver at 9 p.m...
...News item LOCKED IN THE WAR CABINET Robert B. Reich Secretary of Labor, 1861-1865 Parody 212 LOCKED IN THE WAR CABINIiT Chapter 12: A More Perfect Reich • 1863 President Abraham Lincoln came into my office looking anguished...
...He was well over 6 ft...
...M "I tried to convey to you the atmosphere of the meeting I had with our spies, Mr...
...t I At the dawn of the third day, General Meade and/or Hooker asked me what I thought would happen...
...Reich defended himself by saying the book was a memoir, not the work of a reporter...
...Over to our lef we heard gunfire coming from Little Round Top...
...We few, hire happy few, we band of brothers," I began, commencing a speech I had written that morning...
...d "I thought you told me that Lee's armies were retreating to Virginia," the presidniit said testily...
...Between our forces and the Confederate Mmft a young man had tied himself to a tree...
...h- » d "That's the journalist David Brock...
...Next, Longstreet's troops came out of the Peach Orchard and attacked the Rdeitchhe Salient, but I led the troops in a perfect Reich Flanking Maneuver, end we pushed the enemy back into Devil's Den, where Matthew Brady took my picture...
...Genord Mrack or General Hooker (I can't remember who was in charge of the troops at the time, and since this is a memoir I don't have to do any research) begged me to address the men...
...r left we But there was no time to stand admiring Brock's exposed chest...
...But I was too busy to hear such praise...
Vol. 2 • June 1997 • No. 40
