Parody
Parody Essay WILLIAM SAFIRE Reading Safire's Mind Washington Some right-wing columnists-Paulie, Novakio, Sam "You Made the Pants Too Long" Francis-might be having a little trouble in the Age of...
...Pace Kant and Edwin Newman, but some standards are meant to be violated...
...I rise...
...To Our Readers Every six months, the Times changes the days on which its columnists appear...
...Hey think it's easy being an iconoclast...
...Sale Day at Saks-Maureen Dowd...
...E'en so, it's my time...
...Today's bulletin: A Russian general you've never heard of is about to steal a Ukranian nuke...
...my Wilson call...
...Reminder: Write Henry the K a thank-you note...
...That wiretap was the best thing that ever happened to me...
...Have to admit it is...
...Joseph Papp's Birthday-Frank Rich...
...Safire Nails Bush" was the intellectual equivalent of "Dog Bites Man"-my bubbe's dybbuk would have come back to haunt me if I hadn't-but how would Tina Brown and Art Cooper know that...
...Parody Essay WILLIAM SAFIRE Reading Safire's Mind Washington Some right-wing columnists-Paulie, Novakio, Sam "You Made the Pants Too Long" Francis-might be having a little trouble in the Age of Newtstock, but not I. (Correct use of the first person, but maybe a little pretentious...
...Is that a pleonasm...
...Anna Quinrenina, the Floradora Girl-as I soldier on...
...As Tony Lewis's muttonchops get hairier, my speaking fees rise...
...Tisha B'av-Thomas L. Friedman...
...Twenty years a columnist, and no sign of letup...
...Figuring out how to be my own man in public is one of my strengths, along with short, scrappy sentences and a knack for issuing forth single-source rumors as though they were laws of physical nature...
...They come and go-Schanberg (remember him...
...The new rotation is: May Day-Anthony Lewis...
...Love their shoes, but I didn't exactly Stride-Rite when Pete Wilson pulled out of the Republican prez derby, since I had made such a show of Richard Nixon's final prediction that the Gov of the Gold-eneh Medineh would be facing "Bosnia Bill" Clinton in the final lap...
...Memorial Day-Russell Baker...
...Nothing simpler than getting praised for it, as I was across the glossies back in '92 when the target was George Bush's presidency...
...Maybe the world will little note nor long remember (do I need quotation marks on that...
...The new Internet censors are handing me a prime issue, especially good because I can call on Newtros-Newtros-Gingy's third wavery Appealing to putatively classical-liberal instincts-love those-in our superstar-board House Sprechmeister only enhances my vaunted reputation for iconoclasm...
...I can always phone Ted Agnew and see if I can get that old-time nabob to natter some about Colin Powell...
...If I find nothing of value to attack, I can always revert to my libertarian, fear-of-Big-Brother rap...
Vol. 1 • October 1995 • No. 6
