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Scrapbook LET’S RATE THE CONVENTION! We thought it couldn’t get worse than San Diego, but since the Democratic convention was probably the worst in American history, The Weekl y St andard has...
...For an answer on the convention fl oor, we gingerly approached the man who brought new meaninglessness to the word “meaning” when he coined the phrase “the politics of meaning”— yes, Michael Lerner himself, the editor of Tikkun, who was right there on the fl oor...
...And as I did, I grew into a greater awareness of the fact that this, this same tragedy that hit my family was hitting 400,000 families a year...
...The song cautions: “He’s a sweet-talking guy, but he hasn’t got a dime”—which could serve as a warning to those, like Mario Cuomo, who think a revitalized Clinton will spend a lot of money on new social programs...
...And to further his work, he hosted a panel discussion at Chicago’s Field Museum with Race Matters author Cornel West, Nobel laureate Toni Morrison, and Pulitzer-prize-winning novelist Richard Ford, among others...
...And the winner is . . . Al Gore, who would fail a polygraph test...
...At a luncheon the day after his speech, Gore was challenged by Morton M. Kondracke of Roll Call to explain this jarring inconsistency...
...The Arkansas delegates were placed dead center, right below the podium, perhaps as a reward for the long hours they’ve put in giving depositions to Ken Starr back home...
...Cuomo studied at St...
...Nobody wants their campaign advice, and they weren’t invited to address the convention either...
...Slurp-slurp...
...Because as long as I am president, I won’t let you...
...Speaking of sages, a lone fi gure in a loud stars-andstripes tie walked the length of the United Center that same night looking for a concession stand with a manageable line...
...For BEST MACARENA RENDITION, the nominees are: Al Gore and Chris Skoczynski...
...A rationale that didn’t occur to him: letting folks keep more of their own hard-earned money...
...What Dem ocrats are trying to do is create a double myth: fi rst, that Hillary’s just a down-home traditional fi rst lady, and thus above criticism, and second, that Republicans have attacked her on personal grounds, not as the author of a public-policy book and drafter of the most sweeping piece of domestic legislation in three decades...
...Only one glitch: The press release quoted at length participant/author Sandra Cisneros, who said some pretty moving things...
...For MOST COMPLETE TAUTOLOGY OFFERED FROM THE PODIUM, the winner by acclamation: Dianne Feinstein, for these words in praise of Bill Clinton: “He knows that the best way to prevent crime is to stop it from happening...
...Dole, of course, zinged Hillary’s book, It Takes A Village, by saying, “It takes a family to raise a child,” which was perfectly respectful...
...Ditto Virginia and Louisiana...
...the misty-eyed Lerner showed us that sometimes intellectuals must stop intellectualizing and simply emote...
...John’s...
...For MOST SELF-AGGRANDIZING BILL CLINTON QUOTE, the nominees are: Bill Clinton, for telling Time that Chelsea’s “a lot like me, in that she’s got a great sense of compassion and feeling for other people...
...But the most arresting thing about it had nothing to do with what the discussants said...
...PROPHETIC PRESS RELEASE “There’s a big market out there,” said Bill Bradley last Tuesday, “for people who want straight talk about race—for people who want to realize the full extent of their humanity...
...C’mon, this is Roger Clinton we’re talking about,” said another ink-stained wretch enjoying the festivities at Green Dolphin St., a North Side club...
...It even quoted what the participants said, notwithstanding the inconvenient fact that they hadn’t said anything yet...
...If they had had any pride, the delegates from D.C...
...And the winner is-.-.-.-Chris Skoczynski, the sign-language lady who taught the delegates daily how to do the world’s easiest and dumbest dance...
...That seemed to start him on his way...
...And sometimes you never fully face up to things that you ought to face up to...
...Pennsylvania and Ohio held down the east and west fl anks on the main fl oor, a sure sign that President Clinton feels they’re due for major sucking-up...
...ROGER CLINTON’S KEYS Af ew mischievous souls at the big Comedy Central party on the fi rst night of the convention were walking around with urine-specimen containers labeled: “Re-elect Clinton/Gore ’96, Just Say No to White House Drug Abuse...
...In the real world, we don’t want a village to raise a child...
...But of course they didn’t...
...Both Bill and Mario went to Catholic schools called St...
...Cooler, or perhaps more sober, heads discouraged the confrontation...
...We know just the song the “Madam Senators” should have warbled: “Sweet-talking Guy,” by the Chiffons...
...Somewhere between the writing of the press release and the actual discussion, Cisneros took sick and skipped the show...
...He left the motor running...
...Interesting...
...The discussion, modestly titled “Conversation on Race and the Creative Imagination,” was long and involved and not altogether coherent...
...Don’t give him love today, tomorrow he’s on his way,” the song goes—a clear parallel to his betrayal of liberals after the election in 1994 and the hiring of America’s foremost foot fetishist, Dick Morris...
...For BIGGEST LIE OF THE CONVENTION, the nominees are: Every delegate who claims to have been in Chicago in 1968 “outside” the convention hall...
...We thought it couldn’t get worse than San Diego, but since the Democratic convention was probably the worst in American history, The Weekl y St andard has decided to give out the same prizes we did in San Diego—the coveted Treacly Awards...
...I’ve shredded it, spiked it, put it in the barn and stripped it and sold it...
...Speechwriter, anyone...
...and Al Gore, for that ridiculous story about Bill Clinton’s telling Newt Gingrich and Bob Dole, “As long as I occupy this offi ce, you will never enact this plan...
...LONELY IN THE CABINET It’s lonely these days for members of Bill Clinton’s cabinet...
...S-I-B-E-R-I-A...
...Here’s a way to do better: Why not let a poor kid choose the nearest parochial or private school—you know, just like the ones Cuomo and Bill Clinton and Al Gore and Tipper Gore attended (never mind Chelsea Clinton, and Karenna Gore, and Sarah Gore, and Kristin Gore, and Al Gore, Jr...
...For MOST GROTESQUE EXPLOITATION OF PERSONAL TRAGEDY TO SCORE RHETORICAL POINTS, the nominees are: The Democratic party, for its use of Christopher Reeve...
...senators today, we are members of the House of Representatives today, we are members of the cabinet today, [pointing to Tipper Gore] we are vice president of the, the, the . . . [we are] the fi rst lady of the United States, we are the wife of the vice president of the United States...
...PAROCHIAL-SCHOOL BLUES Mario Cuomo told the conventioneers that you couldn’t do “anything better for a poor kid than what you did for a poor kid from New York City called Colin Powell, and that is give him a good public school...
...In spite of having suffered the loss, I still felt a numbness that prevented me from integrating into all aspects of my life the implications of what that tragedy really meant...
...A few years after that, I surrendered the annual check that I received from . . . my tobacco . . . but I continued to receive it for several years even after her death...
...Funny he never mentions it...
...and Al Gore, for saying Republicans “want to give health-insurance rip-off artists a license to change Medicare...
...Carol Moseley-Braun, who when ticking off the gains women have made said, “As women, we are U.S...
...Speaker after speaker at the Democratic convention seemed to...
...and Bill Clinton, for telling U.S...
...If he can pass a drug test, he’ll probably try to—right here in the dining room...
...And indeed he did...
...As reporters fi led into the event, they were handed a press release that gave them a detailed account of the discussion before it had even happened...
...They are the real threat to our children...
...Well, look no further...
...This stunning girl-group number from 1963 has much to say about Bill Clinton, after all, and the way he betrayed the lady senators’ liberal ideals...
...For MOST LUDICROUS PRAISE OF BILL CLINTON, the winner is-.-.-.-Democratic national co-chairman Don Fowler, for, “He evokes as much emotional energy, as much unqualifi ed support, as John Kennedy did...
...Stop attacking the president’s family,” Democratic chairman Chris Dodd declared indignantly...
...The First Brother had already gotten himself into a little trouble...
...Comedy Central personnel called the Chicago police, who arrived with a Slim Jim and saved the First Brother from further despoilment of the atmosphere...
...LERNER, DRISCOLL, MAGAZINER All the speechifying, delegate traffi c, and media oversaturation— What Does It All Mean...
...Al Gore even sucked up to President Clinton by lauding him for not attacking his opponent’s wife...
...How did Democratic convention planners spell “Wyoming...
...and Vermont would have risen up—assuming they could breathe that thin air up where they sat—and walked out...
...So which Republicans insulted Hillary and what did they say...
...The saddest cases are those delegations whose Democratic fealty is so certain convention planners could afford to offend them...
...and Al Gore, for the use of his sister’s death from cancer...
...Dale Drake, a close relative of the president, has said that Bill’s experience at St...
...No-shows were a problem all that afternoon...
...For all the media moaning about too-tightly scripted conventions, one needed only visit peripheral events like “Women Win ’96, A Fund-Raising Celebration for Democratic Women” to witness the dangers of fl ying blind...
...Kansas is a goner...
...I want you to know that with my own hands, all of my life, I put it in the plant beds and transferred it...
...Not so funny when you consider that the National Education Association sent the largest single bloc of delegates and alternates to the convention—405 in all, an 11 percent increase since 1992...
...When he decided to stay, he came back to the van—and found he had locked his keys inside...
...Baker delivered this shot: “Bill Clinton has done for foreign policy what Hillary did for health care...
...In 1988, campaigning for the presidency in North Carolina, Gore had this to say: “Throughout most of my life, I raised tobacco...
...For MOST MEAN-SPIRITED REMARK, THE NOMINEES ARE: Mario Cuomo, for, “Republicans . . . are the real threat to our women...
...Its flier promised that Gloria Steinem and Rep...
...And Alabama...
...And from where they sat, Texas delegates shouldn’t be expecting many presidential visits between now and November...
...Nobody seemed to know that the man was Ira Magaziner, who once tried to take over the American health-care system...
...He shouldn’t feel too bad...
...Wouldn’t spur the economy, he said...
...So they endured the ennui of Chicago by holding forth over breakfast or lunch with reporters...
...Wrong on both counts...
...Interior secretary Bruce Babbitt allowed as how he’d be very, very interested in being nominated to the Supreme Court in a second Clinton term...
...And Hutchison’s commentary...
...Here is his answer: “The truth is, Mort, I myself was still an example of the phenomena that I’ve described a moment ago...
...It was pretty accurate...
...A time for a new awareness, a new way of thinking again, slowly and you grow into it...
...We fi gured it out: Just study the fl oor map of their convention...
...They were nowhere in evidence, disappointing all 60 attendees...
...I’ve chopped it...
...And I, uh, it’s a natural human failing that we all have...
...He drove up to Green Dolphin St...
...Ron Dellums would speak...
...I was blessed with opportunities to come back to it and examine it over a year again...
...Like puppy dogs, they keep coming back no matter how hard you kick ’em...
...Nancy Gore Hunger died in 1984...
...The only things they left at home were their brains...
...John’s Catholic school in Hot Springs...
...Vile personal attacks, huh...
...Of course, no rules are hard and fast—not in Bill Clinton’s America...
...Only, she hadn’t said them...
...Sweetheart deals still take precedence over raw power politics...
...They are the real threat to fairness...
...THE NOVEMBER FLOOR PLAN Bob Dole’s strategists would do anything to get inside information on which states the Clintonites hope to contest and which they have already written off...
...And the winner is . . . Mario Cuomo, who should talk...
...THE VICE-TIPPER OF THE U.S...
...SWEET-TALKING GUY When all five female Democratic senators spoke before the convention Wednesday night, we were disappointed they didn’t follow the lead of Republican senators Lott, Ashcroft, Craig, and Jeffords...
...One reporter made a beeline for a profusely sweaty Roger Clinton, who has not had the best of luck with such tests in the past...
...And the winner is . . . Bill Clinton in Time, because he can’t even talk about his daughter without puffi ng himself up...
...Treasury secretary Robert Rubin made it clear he thinks a cut in individual income tax rates, even a small one, is uncalled for, now or if Clinton is reelected...
...How about the so-called “swing states...
...But part of the cause I was constantly, um, tried to think about these questions due to my career in public service...
...And the winner is . . . It’s a four-way tie...
...It appears, then, that our vice president was in denial, but came out of it—just at the time when tobacco began to show up really poorly in the polls...
...We experienced that numbness characteristic of loss...
...AL GORE AND HIS TOBACCO WOES Al Gore riveted the convention last week with the story of his sister Nancy’s death from lung cancer and how it was caused by smoking...
...Hint: They’re dominated by Al Gore...
...They are the real threat to equality...
...Stay away from him, ’cause you know you’ll never win”—a lyric suggesting that while Clinton may win, he’ll do nothing to help congressional Democrats...
...You never fully learn the lessons that life has to teach you...
...No doubt they’re sustained by the hope that someday, somehow, they can be as important as Arkansas...
...The principle is simple: The farther from the podium a state delegation found itself, the less importance the Democrats attach to it...
...in a van and decided to jump out and look in at the talent before committing himself to the event...
...Once thought to be Hillary’s guru and now thought to be good for nothing, Lerner seemed like just the man to help us understand what exactly singer/saxophonist Phil Driscoll was doing on stage the fi rst night...
...Before Barbara Mikulski introduced Patty Murray of Washington as being from the “great state of Seattle,” she tried to delineate the differences between the parties by saying, “Now we Republicans are different from Democrats . . .” But she was the height of eloquence next to Sen...
...26 to honor Hillary Clinton and Tipper Gore, bringing with them their softest pastels, their sassiest sass, and their sloppiest dance moves...
...Performing an homage to Ray Charles’s voice...
...Mike McCurry, the White House press secretary, fi ngered Bob Dole, James Baker, and Sen...
...It happened through the crucible of decision making and through the fi ghts that we had to fi ght, through the victories as well as the defeats, and also, I think, through the human losses, which are very humbling, both our personal losses, Hillary’s and mine, and the losses the country sustained...
...No wonder he doesn’t really like being commerce secretary...
...PERSECUTION COMPLEX Remember all those vicious personal attacks on Hillary Clinton at the Republican convention in San Diego by speaker after speaker...
...Commerce secretary Mickey Kantor disclosed the unhappy news that NAFTA has not worked quite as promised...
...Hey, Samoa had better seats than Alabama...
...I’ve hoed it...
...The men, you may recall, took off their jackets in San Diego and sang the Oak Ridge Boys’ “Elvira...
...Humanity-extent realization has been Bradley’s stock in trade ever since he announced his retirement last year...
...When we asked him what it all meant, he brushed us back: “I’m in the middle of a sort of moment here,” quoth Rabbi Lerner...
...Kay Bailey Hutchison of Texas...
...Thank you, O Sage of West 100th Street...
...A Progressive Caucus designed to “save the soul of the Democratic party” could not save itself...
...My father and mother continued to grow tobacco on our farm for several years after her death...
...Kate Michelman, for talking about her abortion...
...News, “I would agree that I’ve grown in offi ce...
...Behind Pennsylvania and Ohio, in excellent seats, were the electoral Big Kahunas of New Jersey and California...
...A disheartened Alan Charney of the Democratic Socialists of America thundered, “Why isn’t Bill Clinton responding to the leftist base of the Democratic party...
...To Joe Cocker’s aneurysms...
...Barbara Boxer, for using in a videotape the father of a boy who died from eating a tainted burger at Jack-in-the-Box...
...When a national leader and leading authors were asked today how to improve communication between the races,” read the press release, “they focused on a simple but powerful idea . . .” The handout went on to describe how many people attended the discussion, what the mood was in the hall, how the participants handled audience questions, and how long the palaver lasted...
...It’s a time to fully accept the most important lessons in life...
...John’s “was the real foundation of his education...
...And you know what...
...All fi ve female Democratic senators turned out on the afternoon of Aug...
...apparently, even the leftist base isn’t responding to the leftist base anymore...
...Funny Mario doesn’t bring it up either...
...Babbitt was passed over when Clinton made Ruth Bader Ginsburg a justice in 1994...
...The sisters said he was a real achiever...
...Some savants have suggested that Georgia is “in play” this fall, but the fl oor plan, which showed the poor Peach Staters up somewhere in the rafters, suggested otherwise...
...John’s Prep in Brooklyn for ten years, while young Bill attended second and third grades at St...
Vol. 1 • September 1996 • No. 50
