Parody
Parody DICK MORRIS & ASSOCIATES "If you want to win - let us do the spin" MEMO TO THE PRESIDENT FROM: DICK MORRIS RE: OUR OWN GENDER GAP PLAN In our meeting this morning you asked: "The paper...
...You will be tossing George...
...You may have to work overtime...
...Photo op and brief remarks...
...Where's our plan to win the men's vote...
...Wednesday: Participation in Sixth Annual Dwarf Toss at Hooters, Landover, Md...
...I think it's advisable that you be overcome with uncontrollable emotion at this event, but Ickes disagrees...
...In a recent focus group, 15 likely male voters were asked to choose one word to describe the President...
...Clinton has OK'd...
...Cap reads: "If you knew my wife you'd know why I drink...
...You'll eat a scrapple-and-head-cheese sandwich on white toast and purchase a cap in the gift shop...
...Might be a nice photo op-your call...
...This could be controversial, but Stephanopoulos will spin the press...
...One respondent volunteered "untruthful," two others volunteered "indecisive," and twelve volunteered to "kick his lard-butt back to the Ozarks...
...You'll get hammered on Schlitz...
...Suggested talking points: your weight problem, his weight problem, your common experiences as Adult Children of Alcoholics...
...Dole's problem with women voters mirrors our own problem with men...
...Parody DICK MORRIS & ASSOCIATES "If you want to win - let us do the spin" MEMO TO THE PRESIDENT FROM: DICK MORRIS RE: OUR OWN GENDER GAP PLAN In our meeting this morning you asked: "The paper said Dole has a plan to win the votes of [women...
...Saturday: You'll watch football all day (or baseball-Greenberg is looking into which sport is big at the moment...
...Monday: Photo op at Biff's Truck Stop, Bark Peel, Va...
...Sunday: Rest up...
...Friday: Oval Office visit with Men's Movement poet Robert Bly...
...As usual, Mr...
...President, you have isolated a crucial variable...
...Mrs...
...Tuesday: Attend World Wrestling Federation championship match between Randy "The Hit Man" Savage and The Blonde Avenger.(Freeh at FBI assures us Savage isn't really a "hit man...
...Attorney General Reno says she can show you how to crush cans on your forehead...
...He'll win...
...You will bowl alone...
...Thursday: We have rented out the entire "Fair Lanes" facility in Bowie, Md...
...Next week is Declining Wages Week...
...We'll work up a decision memo ASAP...
...To address this problem, we've scheduled next week as Men's Week, with several issue-specific events demonstrating that 1) the President enjoys precisely the same activities as average American males and 2) at any given moment he shares their concerns, whatever those may be (Stan Greenberg will be giving us data in real time...
...You will root for Savage...
Vol. 1 • May 1996 • No. 35
