Parody
Parody BOB DOLE'S Gettysburg Address Fourscore and seven years ago - that's 87 years the way Bob Dole was taught math back in Russell, Kansas, where we didn't have lots of fancy equipment, fancy...
...I can be Thomas Jefferson, if that's what you want me to be...
...So let me just say, thank you, Gettysburg...
...Parody BOB DOLE'S Gettysburg Address Fourscore and seven years ago - that's 87 years the way Bob Dole was taught math back in Russell, Kansas, where we didn't have lots of fancy equipment, fancy computers and such...
...Men equal - and women too...
...Or whatever...
...It is rather for us to be here dedicated to the great task remaining before us...
...The brave men, living and dead, who struggled here, have consecrated it, far above our poor power to add or detract, which brings up school choice, which I'm for, because our children are what this war is all about...
...The world will little note, nor long remember, what we say here, but it can never forget what they did here...
...and that government of the people, by the people, and for the people . . . You know, that's from the Constitution, and I have in my pocket something also from the Constitution, it's 28 words, you oughta read it, the 10th amendment . . . shall not perish from the earth...
...We have come to dedicate a portion of that field - by the way, we're calling it Arlen Specter Field, in honor of the great Senator from this great state who ran a tough race for President - as a final resting place for those who here gave their lives that the nation might live...
...that from these honored dead we take increased devotion to that cause for which they gave the last full measure of devotion...
...It is for us the living, rather, to be dedicated here to the unfinished work which they who fought here have thus far so nobly advanced, especially a balanced budget and intercoastal waterway reform...
...Anyway, fourscore and 87 years back then, our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the proposition that all men are created equal...
...We are met on a great battlefield of that war (not that Pat Buchanan ever stepped on a battlefield...
...that this nation, under God - see, Ralph, got God in there - shall have a new birth of freedom...
...that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain...
...It is altogether fitting and proper that we should do this, especially since I'm pretty sure we have the votes...
...But, in a larger sense, we cannot dedicate, we cannot consecrate, we cannot hallow - lotta five-dollar words in this speech - this ground...
...Now we are engaged in a great civil war, testing whether that nation or any nation so conceived and so dedicated can long endure, or at least until the May recess...
...That's what this graveyard is all about...
Vol. 1 • March 1996 • No. 27
