Parody

...This column was filled with absolutely scandalous and mean-spirited untruths...

...Armey's village to the ground, eviscerate his brothers, kidnap his wife, and sell his children into slavery...

...A round of questions on Bosnia drew sharp responses from McCurry, who was quick to stress the overall success of the president's Bosnia trip...

...But he admitted there were still "huge differences between our own reasonable positions and those held by the genocidal Serbian extremists and their allies in the Republican Congress...

...Not until halfway through the press conference did McCurry receive a question on the prospects for ongoing budget negotiations...

...If Newt Gingrich weren't out fundraising in Montana right now, the president would probably kick his fat ass, like in the scene in 'Goodfellas,' when they kill the guy and have to bury him twice...

...At a raucous press conference, McCurry first took aim at a Sunday Maureen Dowd column...

...Asked about the continuing intransigence of Bosnian Serb leader Radko Mladic, McCurry admitted, "Mladic continues to be a problem...

...If this were 11th-century Mongolia and President Clinton were Genghis Khan," McCurry said, "the president would probably burn Mr...

...However, if he had read it, and if she ever dared to show her face at the White House, the president would gouge her eyes out...

...In fact, if the president were back in Bosnia right now and not on Air Force One, he'd probably chop Mladic's genitalia off and feed them to the pigs...

...Nonetheless, McCurry seemed to place much of the blame for the current budget impasse on House Majority Leader Armey (R-Tex...

...Of course, I haven't read it and neither has the president," McCurry said...

...A late question on the conduct of Hillary Clinton in the travel office firings drew an even sharper response...

...If the president were allowed under the Constitution to use chemical weapons on private citizens," McCurry said, "D'AmSee DISMEMBERMENT, A8, Col...

...PARODY Clinton Considers Poking Dowd in Eye McCurry Vows Revenge Against President's Critics By Ann Devroy Washington Post Staff Writer White House press secretary Michael McCurry continued the Clinton administration counterattack on the president's critics yesterday with threats of presidential violence against the eyes of Maureen Dowd of the New York Times, the genitals of Bosnian Serb strongman Ratko Mladic, the rear end of House Speaker Newt Gingrich, the village of House Majority Leader Dick Armey and the pinkie of Heloise of "Hints from Heloise...

...He indicated that the president was displeased with the "extremist, hardline, baby-endangering" stance the Republicans had taken...