Parody
Parody DEAR PENTHOUSE FORUM I am a mid-level staffer at the Congressional Budget Office, so I never thought anything would happen to me that I could share with your Forum column. But last month...
...I blurted, unable to control myself...
...I was wandering around the Old Executive Office Building when I heard giggling coming from one of the anterooms...
...No, I'm only reducing the rate of increase," I answered...
...I never thought a train wreck would be so great.-D...
...Soon Cheri was reconfiguring her CPI calculations, to loosen the pressure on her end, but that only encouraged me to tighten my authorizations...
...I let out a moan as the other one, who I'll call Desiree, bared her fiscal premises...
...The economists over at OMB give good brain, I thought to myself later...
...I soon could feel Desiree's entitlement caps snuggling against my baseline...
...B., Washington...
...The distributional inequalities obviate the need for back-loaded debt limit extensions...
...But last month the White House and the Congress reached an agreement by which the CBO would have to consult the OMB in devising its budget scoring projections...
...You're cutting...
...The door was ajar and when I peeked in I saw two female budget analysts sprawled amidst computer printout forms, their access badges rising and falling rapidly against their white blouses...
...By now I was in a frenzy...
...But by now her obligational authorities had passed the point of no return...
...The women were stunned for a moment, and stared at me...
...I was in total control...
...Thank you...
...You're cutting...
...But I guess I'm a little too old-fashioned for that...
...GRH II did amend the impoundment control provisions of the Congressional Budget and Impoundment Control Act," the taller one, who I will call Cheri, panted...
...But this is unsatisfactory," Desiree whispered huskily, "because the BEA does not provide a specific definition of outyear supplemental...
...I was only seeking a complete reconciliation package," Cheri responded, with an impish grin...
...And then looked at me with newfound respect...
...But Cheri held out her hand, inviting me to partake of her sequestration strategies...
...As we approached a CR compromise I could hear their voices rising and my nerves were jangling...
...she protested with a pained expression on her face...
...I love fiscal discipline...
...I never thought I'd see you in a dynamic scoring posture," I laughed, pressing my advantage...
...Minutes passed and finally Cheri stood up and looked dreamily at her blue book...
...Desiree suggested that we take everything off the table for the sake of unconstrained entitlements growth...
...It seemed to go on forever and ever, but eventually outlays came back into balance with appropriations, and we lay in a heap musing contentedly on the BBA framework and default prevention scenarios...
...Our original proposal wasn't nearly so front-loaded...
Vol. 1 • December 1995 • No. 12
