Hef's Cold War

...We didn’t do a paper on it...

...Where else for the rock on which to build, Mr...

...To explore those latter questions, Parker turned to a mobster with whom he had a somewhat ambivalent past...

...The reason was I didn’t want to overwork John, me, or the reader...

...With my mother...

...I know...

...We all were...

...The all-but-inevitable result is a decline into formula and, sometimes, self-parody...

...Parker has a dilemma...

...Taken together, the two provide a nice portrait of someone steering a morally murky course without falling prey either to the temptation to eschew morality altogether, or embrace it in a manner that gratifi es vanity at the expense of responsibility...

...What do you mean ‘a nice spot...

...The protagonists are the two drug lords central to Iles’s policy of enlightened blindness: Mansel Shale and “Panicking” Ralph Ember, toward both of whom James has an almost Westlake-like sympathy...

...Women do fi nd his shallowness winning, being unable to believe there can be so much of it, and wishing to plumb—how it happened to me, possibly...

...The one they call Tirana...

...You heard of that chopping the king’s head off in history...

...Most of the people I know well are academics, for whom writing is a necessary evil, often more evil than necessary...

...Also, there is vigour...

...Abelard seizes the opportunities afforded to him by those changes, and does so with a refreshing perspective: “[He] adored positive discrimination and if he’d had a cat he would have called him after it...

...Few novels can rival its depiction of the depths of marital venom...

...Yet after more than eight decades off the radar, the chess set providentially turns up, offering Mr...

...No, I mean so far it didn’t happen...

...The sergeant had prudently disappeared, leaving Mr...

...Whereas the former have spawned many imitators, the latter are simply inimitable...

...Though the conversation does not go quite according to plan, Burston’s qualities shine through: “[Your actor] had Andrew very accurately in the picture—that silly little intellectual whiz...

...It isn’t always what happens...

...You mean we didn’t shake hands on it...

...He briefl y considers fl ight: “He thought his best move now was to go straight over to Grand Central, take the fi rst train out to Chicago...

...If it doesn’t, I’ll make a deal with somebody else, and it’ll be the same story...

...That’s good, John, the point is, if I wanted to turn some evidence on you to some former co-workers of mine…” The item to be retrieved is a 700pound chess set with gold pieces adorned by precious gems—an undelivered gift to Czar Nicholas II—that fell into the hands of an American platoon in the aftermath of World War I, only to be appropriated by the sergeant entrusted with its conversion into cash...

...Read Westlake and James...

...And Bill James, whose real name is James Tucker but who has also written as David Craig and Judith Jones, has published an astonishing dozen novels in the past fi ve years...

...Westlake had seen all too many novelists give in to the temptation to go with the tried, if not necessarily true, and produce novel after novel with the same characters...

...Remember Hitler in Czechoslovakia...

...In Girls, we see Ember fl ash back to an episode in which his assistant, Beau Derek, was knifed to death in his presence: It “had to be regarded as a very unsuccessful commercial trip...

...That really signifi ed something...

...He summoned that restraint with a view towards keeping Dortmunder fresh: Many years ago I made a mighty vow that I would never write two novels in a row about John Dortmunder, but would always write at least two books about other people and other things in between...

...Yet at the outset of Dirty Money, Parker learned that his associate had escaped prior to employing the money as a (plea)-bargaining chip...

...The problem confronting Dortmunder is an ex-cop looking to establish himself as a private detective, whose business card reads simply “Johnny Eppick, For Hire” (“I didn’t want the clients to feel restricted...

...Yet Ember is no mere prop for comic relief...

...With it, and with Samuel Richardson’s Clarissa in mind, Maldave aims to revive the epistolary novel, with a post-modern sensibility...

...Eppick possesses compromising photos of Dortmunder’s after-hours computer acquisitions, which at a 100 percent discount, initially seem a real steal to Dortmunder...

...But Eppik warns him that as technology (“the Internet 1, 2008 THE WEEKLY STANDARD / 39 for effective commentary on the most recent Harpur and Iles novels—in which detection is not quite dead but on extended holiday...

...Take the following abridgment from the opening chapter of Girls, where Shale makes a persuasive case to Ember that the spectacular execution of a violent Albanian newcomer is necessary to preserve the unoffi cial arrangement Iles had crafted for them...

...the wife, in particular, has a gift for evocative loathing, which she freely disposes on friends, lovers, counselors, and “My dear Mother...

...But if Westlake could be counted on to produce, Dortmunder could not...

...Dortmunder’s infrequent appearances, however, were not the product of authorial indifference towards a character grown stale...

...Their exchange perfectly captures Parker’s worldview and the insightful economy of Stark’s prose: “There’s no such thing as a deal,” Parker told him...

...Well, no, the—” “If we slay this Tirana in a nice spot, the crew who work with him, or want to be like him will know what we’re saying to them, Ralph...

...And what would such a laundry bill cost...

...Due to the swiftness and intensity of the government’s reaction, Parker and his associates were forced to hide the proceeds in rural New England before their getaway...

...To get a sense of these characters you could do worse than begin with What’s So Funny...

...The results aren’t pretty...

...Ember is a different kettle of fi sh...

...Steven J. Lenzner is a research fellow in political philosophy at the Henry Salvatori Center of Claremont McKenna College...

...Finding it desirable to gain support for Broken Light, a fi lm seeking to rehabilitate a young man executed for treason during World War II, Burston decides to consult the man’s elderly sister: “On fi le from the very earliest planning days of Broken Light was a surviving sister of Pax...

...Don’t get me wrong, he has very sound aspects, and in another time and overseas conditions he would probably be acceptable, and entirely unthreatening...

...More precisely, he has written three “Westlake” novels in a row about Dortmunder, each of which has been succeeded by a “Richard Stark” about that embodiment of criminal amorality, Parker...

...He has the ability to look at himself without blinders, and since self-knowledge is in no larger supply in James’s universe than anywhere else, Ember’s depths impress...

...And as a tribute to this fi ne character, James completed the novel for him, published last year as Letters from Carthage...

...and Dirty Money...

...He can look almost exotic and more or less unpoignant in sweatshirt and olive green summer trousers...

...My father wrote him off, and didn’t want to know...

...I never thought I’d say this, but you’re easier to put up with when you have a gun in your hand...

...Same with this Tirana...

...Admirable as the Parker novels may be, it is the Dortmunder novels that best display Westlake’s genius...

...Yet what, for Dortmunder, is part of a nightmare is for Ember an inspiration: Balzac’s line “buckled” him, “it gave a fruition promise to come...

...We got to hit one of their high people...

...For the chess set is now at the center of a bitter lawsuit among the sergeant’s 17 children and grandchildren, and Mr...

...Surfaces mattered, and not just to geometry...

...In A Man’s Enemies (2003)—the sequel to 2001’s Split—he brings back that most unlikely member of the British intelligence services, Simon Abelard, who as a half-black, non-Oxbridge graduate from Cardiff, falls amiss of the traditional demographic profi le of those employed by Her Majesty’s Secret Service...

...Hemlow, a wealthy and elderly invalid with a lifelong grievance...

...2001’s Bad News was the tenth in a series (unequalled either for comic genius or consistent excellence) inaugurated in 1970 by The Hot Rock, but the fi rst since 1996...

...If so, could the dirty money be cleaned...

...To judge from Westlake’s own account, it took a considerable degree of self-restraint to refrain from writing on Dortmunder more frequently...

...They’ll know it exact...

...But enough...

...Hemlow the prospect of one fi nal satisfaction, and Dortmunder one less reason to resist the siren song of despair...

...His spectacular armed robbery of $3 million from a bank in transit—recounted in 2004’s Nobody Runs Forever—proved to be a bit too spectacular: In post-9/11 America, the federal government tends to frown on the use of sophisticated military hardware...

...It is this grievance for which Dortmunder’s professional skills are a means of redress, and Eppick prepares Dortmunder’s recruitment by means that are presumably at odds with progressive corporate practice everywhere but Hollywood or Moscow: “Listen, John,” Eppick said, then paused to pretend he was polite, saying, “You don’t mind if I call you John, do you...

...Religion’s quite a thing in Wales, I heard...

...Its title notwithstanding, Dirty Money is less about money acquired in an unsavory manner than about money that needs to be “laundered...

...And if you don’t, try reality television...

...My mistake was the product of a false premise...

...The two fi nest—Don’t Ask (1993) and What’s the Worst that Could Happen...

...1996)—were published more than 20 years after the series’ debut...

...Since 2001 the 75-year-old Donald E. Westlake— who essentially lost a year to an eye ailment—has published nine novels, four of which appeared under the name of his amoral alter ego, Richard Stark...

...There never was, anywhere...

...Excuse me, I can’t help feeling like that about Andy...

...Moving away from crime fi ction, there is Between Lives (2003), which examines the dilemmas faced by a biographer as fact meets fi ction or, more precisely, meets Hollywood...

...Where he came from...

...Eppick seeks to enlist Dortmunder’s art of retrieval on behalf of his very fi rst client, Mr...

...A gun is just something that helps make things happen...

...In A Man’s Enemies, Abelard faces the fl ip side of the coin: a former colleague who, repelled by the internecine struggles related in Split, decides to blow the whistle by turning author, Offi cial Secrets Act be damned...

...Jesus, Parker,” Meany said, shaking his head...

...In Girls, it is Ember who brings Balzac’s genealogy of wealth to the fore...

...He is a smooth, handsome man subject to violent panic attacks at the most inopportune times—and for which his chosen career path provides plenty of opportunities...

...We face writing as an inspiration to procrastination rather than a task to be savored...

...Yet in the Britain of the 1990s, things are changing...

...He considered that one of his best for brainlessness...

...I was particularly grateful for those assignments, for I feared that there might not be many more timely opportunities to pay tribute to the two men...

...An arrangement that, for a number of years, had ensured tranquil streets for citizens and mighty profi ts for the two business associates: “The Albanians think they can sneak in here and set themselves up, like entitled...

...Even more impressive than the latest Harpur and Iles novels is the range, quality, and productivity that James has shown in recent years...

...My father was religious, very...

...Among the faculty in its Creative Writing department is novelist Len Maldave, eminent author of the self-published Nursery Scimitar...

...In Split he wrestles with the dilemma, personal and professional, of tracking a rogue colleague and former friend who has turned his training and talent in deception to the pursuit of private gain (chiefl y by large-scale drug smuggling), and the situation only becomes more daunting when, confronted by such professional treachery and the prospect of ill-gotten gains, Abelard’s professional colleagues join the fray...

...As David Craig, James has written two novels, Hear Me Talking to You (2005) and Tip Top (2006), featuring the precocious Welsh detective Sally Bithron, who nicely sums up the villain’s quest for respectability: “Milton Avenue would have conferred on Tully a surface of decent, on-the-up bourgeois status...

...The only thing that money could buy was a lighter sentence for his erstwhile partner...

...BY STEVEN J. LENZNER Over the past half-dozen years I have had the privilege to write reviews of new books by the comic (crime) novelist, Donald E. Westlake, and by Bill James, who is at once the most unconventional and underappreciated detective novelist writing today—as well as the best such novelist...

...In fact I am still...

...It happens, or it doesn’t happen...

...Ember, the character James seems most to enjoy writing about, is a master of self-deception...

...Naturally, enough, and like any human being, however marginal, he loves to believe there are positive aspects to his personality, the damp cut-out...

...If it happens, fi ne...

...That’s supposed to be an okay place, not that different from a city...

...Kinda, yeah...

...Her name was Elsie, which could have been acceptable when she was born, but did suggest a distant period now, and some decline...

...This Tirana, he got to be done, Ralph, and he got to be done by us and they got to know he been done by us...

...The capital...

...A deal is what people say is gonna happen...

...It’s the name of some town over there...

...With regard to Westlake, my anxieties were not altogether irrational, for I thought a fi tting tribute should focus on the adventures of his character, John Dortmunder—master criminal and plaything of the gods...

...When Dortmunder—a man who, in Good Behavior, declared that “I don’t like to believe there’s a place I can’t get in and back out again”—learns of its current housing, he immediately knows it would be impossible to get in and back out again...

...Ah, the way they called George Washington after Washington...

...But as we write to live, Westlake and James live to write...

...Hemlow’s father with nothing to hand down but a legacy of resentment, which the son skillfully nursed...

...This got to be an execution and it got to be spectacular...

...rather the reverse...

...Albania,” Ember said...

...You’ll enjoy them...

...James, who taught literature and creative writing at the University of Wales College of Cardiff, has also written a comic novel about life at a third-rate Welsh university, Making Stuff Up...

...It got to be stopped early, Ralph...

...Hence Parker’s knotty dilemma: Was there a way to move the money that averted the gaze of unusually vigilant authorities...

...Or put more simply, big bucks down the line...

...Maldave’s current project is In Times of Broken Light, a dark satire of life in suburbia...

...And when one of his confederates was arrested trying to spend such a bill, Parker wrote the money off...

...for it was Machiavelli who claimed that a single stupefying execution, well timed, can avoid countless inconveniences down the line...

...Since Occasionally Ruthless Drug Magnate occupies a far less respectable place on the social ladder than Clever Thief Who Eschews Violence and Targets the Unsympathetic, this seems anomalous...

...Until you make their acquaintance...

...Westlake has avoided that trap, even as he has broken his vow by writing three novels in a row about Dortmunder...

...I saw him not long before the hanging...

...Moreover, the Dortmunder novels are the only extended series I know in which the later stories are at least as good as the early ones...

...Burston...

...I imagined that, as they moved into their seventies, they might grow weary of the strain of writing...

...Where else for comfort...

...In so doing, Shale shows himself to be among the handful of students of Machiavelli’s Prince who never so much as held the book in their hands...

...I was wrong...

...Among its highlights is a fi lm executive, Ted Burston, who prides himself on his gift for disarming by playing the fool...

...Therein lies the rub: It is being held in a sub-basement vault “in a building owned by a bank that used to be called Capitalists and Immigrants, two groups of people with really no sense of humor...

...So rather than the better part of a million dollars, each man walked away with only a handful of bills for travel expenses...

...Both novels examine Abelard’s struggles to adjust to the new conditions of post-Cold War espionage...

...Hemlow’s granddaughter, Fiona, is a (very) junior associate at the fi rm entrusted with its safekeeping...

...Which brings us to Westlake’s latest Dortmunder tale of woe narrowly and amusingly averted—What’s So Funny?—which in no way disappoints...