Obamaweek
Scrapbook Obamaweek Last week on this page, we published an imaginary memo from an Obama adviser urging the Chosen One to speak at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin. It concluded: “If this...
...It concluded: “If this doesn’t get you back on the cover of Newsweek, nothing will...
...Scrapbook Obamaweek Last week on this page, we published an imaginary memo from an Obama adviser urging the Chosen One to speak at the Brandenburg Gate in Berlin...
...Engineers, in the aerospace industry and elsewhere, calculate something called the “mean time between failures...
...No Kidding ‘Clinton Not Eager to Send Back Cash” (Washington Post headline, July 16, 2008) ? Preemie Losers We sense the birth, so to speak, of a new interest group...
...We’re not sure if the risk is black lung from breathing the fumes emitted by Paula Abdul, mayhem at the hands of Simon Cowell, or an attack by all those “dawgs” Randy Jackson keeps referring to, but we’re hard pressed to think of a more urgent issue facing organized labor in this country...
...Our July 21 issue of Newsweek arrived two days later with You’ll Never Guess Who on the cover, and he hadn’t even left yet for his Summer of Self-Love World Tour (featuring appearances in Jordan, the West Bank, Baghdad, Kabul, London, Paris, and Berlin, with occasional cameo roles for the Three Little Network Anchors Who Tagged Along...
...The preemies, however, rallied on the comments section at AOL (which republished the story)—insisting that they do date, are intimate, and are really, really outgoing...
...A new study, reports USA Today, indicates that adults who were born prematurely are not only more shy than the rest of us but also less likely to have sex and get married: “The earlier babies are born, the less likely they are to marry, become parents or earn a high salary, suggests a study of nearly 1 million Norwegians, now ages 20 to 36, in today’s New England Journal of Medicine...
...Always drawn to life’s Big Questions, Obama embarked on a spiritual quest in which he tried to reconcile his rational side with his yearning for transcendence...
...On the other hand, another reader says that if the study is accurate, he plans on inducing labor for his wife if the baby is a girl, so as to delay her sexual activity...
...In mid-October, by our back-of-theenvelope extrapolation, every issue of Newsweek will feature His Self-Importance on the cover...
...I am 42, not very shy, have my own business, many friends, never been arrested, married 10 years, pretty darn healthy, and don’t even get me started about my sex drive...
...We were wrong...
...He found Christ—but that hasn’t stopped him from . . .” Lisa Miller and Richard Wolffe, Newsweek, July 21, 2008 Cue Violins According to the Writers Guild of America, working conditions on American Idol are “unsafe...
...Sentences We Didn’t Finish ‘The story of Obama’s religious journey is a uniquely American tale...
...Our sympathies are naturally with the writers...
...WGAW president Patric M. Verrone, in an email to union members on July 15, promises an “American Idol Truth Tour” to publicize the “unsafe conditions” on the show...
...As BigBroFla put it, “I was born 8 weeks early, 3.2 pounds...
...It’s one of a seeker, an intellectually curious young man trying to cobble together a religious identity out of myriad influences...
...In addition, “In two studies of people in their early 20s in this month’s Pediatrics, researchers found that former preemies were less likely to leave home, live with a romantic partner or be sexually active...
...Shortly thereafter, if our calculations are correct, the magazine will be forced to appear more frequently— twice a week, at first, and as a rebranded Newsdaily by early November, in order to accomodate the increasingly frequent need of editors to showcase Barack-the-Transcendent on their cover...
...THE SCRAPBOOK has made an analogous calculation—what we term the Mean Time Between Newsweek Obama Covers (MTBNOC...
...Should the voters unaccountably fail to do their duty, some predict Newsweek may suspend publication in protest...
...Uncertainty is introduced into the equation at that point owing to Election Day, when the American people are allowed to weigh in with their own judgment on the merits of their prospective savior...
...We can reveal here the results of our preliminary investigations, which show that the MTBNOC is falling at an alarming rate...
Vol. 13 • July 2008 • No. 43
