Casual
MATUS, VICTORINO
Casual EXPRESS YOURSELF It’s not often people have anything nice to say about their department of motor vehicles. On The Simpsons, sisters Patty and Selma, who both work at Springfi eld’s...
...Some are brought to its attention by offended drivers...
...VICTORINO MATUS...
...Mostly, it’s bewilderment or irritation...
...According to Melanie Stokes of the Virginia DMV’s communications offi ce, of the 7.7 million active plates in the commonwealth, more than 1 million are personalized (resulting in over $9 million in income to the state...
...We’ve come such a long way since GEY-90T...
...And then there was ASSMAN, belonging to a proctologist in Seinfeld...
...I recall one saying TWO 2 GO...
...Of course the latter would have been rejected by the Virginia DMV, which operates a 12-person “word” committee to decide the fate of questionable plates...
...In fact, a recent study by the American Association of Motor Vehicle Administrators reveals more drivers in Virginia have vanity plates as a percentage of total drivers (16 percent) than any other state in the union...
...Where are you going...
...When he pulled into the school parking lot, I would yell out, “Hey guys, look who’s coming...
...But I’m betting this is instead a proud statement of orientation for all the world to see and urging all the world to be, and for only $10 a year...
...Perhaps the owner wants us to be happy...
...As it turns out, selfexpression is overrated...
...As a brief aside, that license plate ended up at my house...
...The facilities are clean...
...Now you might think this a good thing—what better way for the citizenry to get creative and express themselves...
...But for a mere $10, you can remove any and all risk from the process...
...Not that we should jump to any conclusions...
...We wait for our tag with its randomly assigned letters and numbers and hope for something catchy...
...It’s gay ninety-tee...
...To begin with, most of us don’t feel any particular compulsion to put a witty message on our license plates, so the extra fee is enough to deter us...
...Over the years, as noted in the press, recalled plates have included the undeniably insulting (ZYKLON B, the poison gas used in concentration camps during the Holocaust) as well as the debatably offensive (POOFTER, 2 DYKES, JAP JUNK, and a few combinations involving the letters SUX...
...The suspects then incinerated the jeep, and all that was left was GEY-90T...
...You can try your own combination online to see what works...
...Cornyville...
...But a good number of vanity plates tempt you to pull alongside the car and ask the driver, “Is that really the best you could come up with...
...Steve gave it to me after his Cherokee’s unlikely demise: It was stolen in Boston and used to smash into a Filene’s Basement—all caught on video, which made the news...
...But what if it isn’t...
...We call those days weekdays...
...In high school, my friend Steve drove a Jeep Grand Cherokee with the license plate GEY-90T...
...It was also high school...
...Over and over again...
...Others are fl agged by a computer system containing a database of more than 6,000 unacceptable word-number combinations...
...Many plate afi cionados strive for as few characters as possible, such as A1...
...What’s up, gay ninety-tee...
...An information booth is staffed by someone friendly...
...Instead he was forced to settle for LDS—likely declaring to others he was a proud Mormon...
...I recently spotted a car with the license plate BE GAY...
...In fact, there is only one thing I fi nd troubling: For just $10 per year, residents can have their very own personalized license plates...
...Or the annoying MY PRSHE on the Porsche 911 driven by the equally annoying Bill Lumbergh in Office Space...
...The waiting time is acceptable...
...Yes, I admit it was crude...
...At the moment, OU812, as in the Van Halen album, is taken, but both HRC SUX and KILL GOP are still available...
...Some Virginia residents, including a colleague of mine, use their initials as their license plates, which is fi ne by me...
...Last year alone Virginia issued approximately 203,000 personalized plates...
...But my local Virginia DMV isn’t quite like that...
...Vanity plates are rarely as clever or fi tting as the ones we see in popular culture: Remember the Ferrari 250 GT California in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with the license plate NRVOUS...
...On The Simpsons, sisters Patty and Selma, who both work at Springfi eld’s DMV, tell their nephew Bart that some days they don’t let the line move at all...
...I am reminded of my high school algebra teacher who in his youth wanted the license plate LSD...
...Or maybe he or she is a fan of golfer Notah Begay...
...And yet my reaction upon seeing these works of self-expression is not normally amusement...
Vol. 13 • May 2008 • No. 35
