THE RULES OF GRANDPARENTING
BARNES, FRED
Casual THE RULES OF GRANDPARENTING My view is, the more grandchildren, the better. I have six with a seventh due in April. And I assume there are more to come. My daughter Grace just had her...
...All I could do was listen in shame as John delivered names and dates...
...A grandparent isn’t...
...He fearlessly picks up frogs and snakes and newts and salamanders, animals I’d rather not touch...
...And it can be embarrassing when they display their superior knowledge in front of others...
...One of life’s great rewards is to see your children, once grown, become close friends...
...There are rules to follow, and I’m afraid I’m not doing a very good job...
...We all know how different one’s own children can be...
...When I spoke sharply (and loudly) to my grandson John, 6, he looked shocked...
...Troup, by the way, is a family name that has come down from my mother’s father, Troup Miller, a West Pointer from Georgia...
...I fi nd it endearing...
...After this happened a second time, Barbara took me aside to explain my role...
...You may want to be called “Gramps” or “Pops” but if they don’t like the name, you’ll be called something else...
...Raising my voice with grandchildren is not allowed, not ever...
...But there’s more to having grandchildren— that is, being a grandparent— than simply keeping track of them, which is hard enough...
...The final rule: A grandparent is expected to get on the floor and play with grandchildren...
...Who did I think I was...
...This was my nickname when I was an infant after my grandmother looked at me in a baby stroller and declared, “Buster...
...They want undivided attention, preferring we don’t spread our time among the other grandchildren...
...FRED BARNES...
...It’s this: Never forget that your grandchildren are smarter than you are...
...His parent...
...My grandchildren discover this around age 2. Then they want to visit Barbara and me and stay overnight, alone...
...So my wife Barbara offered a suggestion: Bus, short for Buster...
...And when my daughter Karen has her third child in April— it’s a boy—I don’t expect him to fi t a family mold...
...They know things you don’t...
...Grandchildren are one of God’s greatest gifts...
...In personality and wrestling style, Troup and his brother Will, 3, are anything but the same...
...This is the kind of family information I am supposed to know, but don’t...
...For some grandparents, rule three may be a stretch...
...My daughter Grace just had her fi rst child in February—a boy named Paul—and my son Freddy is only now fi nishing college at Auburn and isn’t married yet...
...At age 5, another grandson, Troup, knows more about nature and small animals than I could ever hope to...
...So I’m Bus...
...This has happened despite my reluctance to get on the fl oor with them...
...They know exactly what is most precious to a grandparent and that’s what they want...
...It took me a while to notice the best example of how smart grandchildren are...
...This is all the more true about grandchildren...
...The fi rst rule is you don’t get to choose what your grandkids call you...
...A parent disciplines and is entitled to raise his voice with his children...
...I’m not...
...The older I get, the more I understand that time is the commodity I have the least of and thus value the most...
...Barbara is great at this...
...But my grandchildren instantly embraced the name...
...Even my sister calls me “Fred” these days...
...The second rule is that a grandparent does not get to act like a parent...
...This may seem selfi sh...
...A grandparent has a different role...
...It’s your time...
...I learned this the hard way...
...There isn’t one...
...Of course about three people in the universe still call me that...
...My wife doesn’t...
...Just the other day, John—the grandson I yelled at—recited the birthdays not only of his two siblings, Grace and Luke, 4, but also of his cousins and aunts and uncles...
...Just as rewarding is watching your grandchildren bond, as mine have...
...A parent is nice and loving but also tough...
...Though my oldest grandchild, a beautiful girl named Grace, is 8, I’m still in the learning phase of grandparenthood...
...My grandchildren couldn’t reach a consensus on what to call me...
...It’s not money or a trip to the ice cream store or a new toy...
...A grandparent is only nice and loving...
...My son claims I spent my entire time as his parent sitting in a chair and reading a newspaper...
...Well, I like reading the paper...
...It’s simple and punchy...
Vol. 13 • March 2008 • No. 27
