Parody

"After word arrived Tuesday afternoon that Jerry Falwell had suffered a fatal heart attack, Charlie Gibson was determined not to lead his newscast with the preacher's death. " 'It lends importance...

...Cue remote/footage/interview etc...
...Later this evening, on According to Jim...
...Consult your local directory for listings...
...Cue remote/footage/interview etc...
...whose career was important to the first President Bush's election in 1988, shared with ABC News this evening his memories of George H.W...
...A young woman determined to make a difference...
...It lends importance to a figure whose legacy contained a lot of positives and a lot of negatives,' says the ABC anchor...
...ABC News has learned that former President George H.W...
...He was a controversial figure.'" —Washington Post, May 17 TRANSCRIPT ABC WORLD NEWS TONIGHT Charlie Gibson: Good evening...
...Cheryl discovers a lump on her breast and fears she might have cancer...
...Charlie Gibson: Penelope Baumgartner...
...You can learn more about Penelope and how she and her friends are helping the homeless by logging on to www.abcnews.go.com/wn...
...Willie Horton...
...We begin tonight with the story of a girl—a young woman, really—who saw the homeless and destitute wandering the streets of her comfortable hometown, Upper Montclair, New Jersey, and decided to do something about it...
...Charlie Gibson: We report some sad news for some Americans tonight...
...No cause of death was given, but the former president, whose single term in the White House contained a lot of negatives and a lot of positives, was 99 years old...
...But first these messages...
...Bush, his controversial presidency, and what his legacy might be...
...Cue commercials...
...Coming up next: An end to lip-reading for a famous American...
...We'll have that story a l\U\c later in the broadcast, and According to Jim can be seen tonight at 9 o'clock Eastern Standard Time on most ABC stations...
...Page 1...
...It venerates the subject to an extent that I didn't think belonged there...
...Her name is Penelope Baumgartner, she's 14 years old, and the program for the homeless she founded on the streets of one New Jersey community is now a nationwide model for teens who want to do something to help those whose American Dream has turned into a nightmare...
...Bush died earlier today at his summer home in Kennebunkport...
...But tonight there's good news from researchers at the National Institutes of Health, who have devised a simple test—a test that any woman can conduct herself—that experts say has a better than 50 percent chance of detecting some of the more curable cancers that will strike an estimated 100,000 American women just this year...
...That's a worrisome scenario for millions of American women...
...Maine...

Vol. 12 • May 2007 • No. 35


 
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