Casual
LABASH, MATT
Casual COOPER DUPER NEWSMAN When I was a college new-bie, sitting at the scuffed Hush Puppies of my journalism professors, they tried to saddle me with their elbow-patched baggage of what a...
...The poor naïfs couldn't have known about the tectonic shift that was about to rupture the very continental crust of journalism...
...Now, there are more words of wisdom from Anderson in his new book, Dispatches from the Edge...
...And not just me—Oprah...
...But never The Edge...
...He taught me to see the truth, not with my eyes, but with my heart, even if my aortic valve needs glasses for reading, so that sometimes the truth looks a little blurry...
...He's on two hours a night on America's News Leader, the second-place network CNN...
...Either way...
...Travelocity.com doesn't sell flights there...
...I haven't been to The Edge, but I've been to bars, and I know that's the kind of talk that gets you respect in them...
...But I wouldn't be surprised if Nissan became one of his sponsors, since, they, like Anderson, understand narrative nudity...
...Before Anderson Cooper and After...
...Then I used their droppings to fertilize my vegetable garden, the produce from which I donated to a nearby orphanage...
...I checked, just to make sure...
...Wherever it is, he's been there, and when he gets there, there's a method to his madness: "I don't really drink, but I like the bar because there's no bulls— here...
...Casual COOPER DUPER NEWSMAN When I was a college new-bie, sitting at the scuffed Hush Puppies of my journalism professors, they tried to saddle me with their elbow-patched baggage of what a journalist should be: Ida Tarbell, Lincoln Steffens, Ernie Pyle—lightweights, all...
...His first name is Anderson, which of course means "son of Andrew," as in the first disciple called by Jesus...
...I emailed how Anderson's reporting in Africa had inspired me to adopt from the Tembe National Park two baby elephants, which had been mistreated after they'd been sold to an abusive circus trainer...
...Wait, no...
...As in, Her Majesty, Oprah Winfrey...
...I don't even know where it is...
...Hold up a second...
...He doesn't really need one...
...How the Gregorian calendar was about to be reset, so that now all journalistic history is divided into two periods: BAC and A AC...
...And you can't catch him...
...Not that he cares about shirts...
...And maybe because of that nakedness, he tells better stories...
...Oh, but we have noticed, Anderson...
...Or a punch in the face...
...But if you want to punch him, you've got to catch him...
...Oprah's producers recently asked viewers to tell them how Anderson's reporting has inspired them...
...He is an enigma wrapped in a mystery ensconced in a French blue shirt, which really makes his eyes pop, by the way...
...Danger is his middle name...
...But, the point is, Anderson taught me, both as a reporter and a man...
...Which, strictly speaking, is a Nissan slogan...
...Time out...
...So he'll settle his seltzer water tab, and be on his way, heading back to the front, forever following in disaster's wake: the Tsunami, Katrina, NewsNight with Aaron Brown...
...Like 60 Minutes, she's now made Anderson a part-time correspondent on her show with other journalistic titans like Lisa Ling and the Big O's best friend, Gayle...
...What's that rustling...
...In my backyard, I'd imported Tembe-like vegetation to make Kimba and Malaaka feel at home...
...Apparently, too many others had been similarly inspired by Anderson...
...He writes for Details, poses for Maxim, and is called one of the sexiest anchors alive by Playgirl magazine...
...Oprah's producers never called...
...Anderson goes where the news is, and even where it's not, sometimes bringing it with him in a carry-on bag, since he packs light, because he never knows when he's going to have to dodge a bullet or a hurricane projectile...
...MATT LABASH...
...He is silvery and sleek, the son of Gloria Vanderbilt, the friend of mankind...
...Like a shark, he says, he has to move to breathe...
...Isn't that him vacationing in Rwanda at the genocide museum, since he says he hasn't been in a while...
...I've been in journalism almost as long as Anderson and have datelined from places throughout the world...
...We now recognize the host of CNN's 360 the way we recognize the sun and moon, which are always before us, as Anderson is...
...Because that's how he comes to the story...
...Now his throat's tightening in Niger...
...I told them the truth, even though it was a lie, because it was an emotional truth, which I think Anderson would understand...
...Is that Anderson under the bed, finding the news, emoting over it, smothering it with a pillow until its legs kick and twitch, then sliding out the bathroom window before anyone notices...
...There he is crying in New Orleans...
...And like our Lord and Savior, he is omnipresent...
...You gOprah, Anderson...
...Actually "Hays" is, but "Danger" is so much more, I don't know, dangerous-sounding...
...In fact, if it were up to him, he'd probably do every show naked...
...So I told them flat-out...
Vol. 11 • June 2006 • No. 36
